i come to the garden

im so not good at this.....

2010-11-27T03:19:00.001-05:00

so when I started this blog it felt like i had a billion and one things to say.... but for the past few months life has grabbed a hold of me and taken me away and there just doesnt seem to be enough time. I have been a faithful lurker of your blogs, reading but sadly not commenting, I enjoy keeping up with you all and envy that you are so interesting and good at time management.

I do happen to have an interesting story, ok well maybe not super great interesting but certainly bizarre enough that it might catch your attention...

You may or may not know that i am expecting. Before you wonder if this is a good thing or a bad thing, I will tell you it is a good thing. i am super happy and my boy friend is as well. It will be his first child and I am 18 weeks along as i type this out. Is it kinda soon since I havent' been seperated from my husband all that long? i guess you could think of it that way. but there are many more details that go in there that really seem irrelevant to me. We are happy and healthy and my son is doing bette than i eve imagined and so life is sweet.

Anyway, so yes I am preggo and I have a uterine tear with a small bleed that seems to be under control but really the heavy lifting is left to the boys now. I no longer haver to lug our laundry up and down three flights of stairs to complete. I have help. and when I say help i mean a boyfriend who is willing to do it:) he even folds it all:) no he is not for sale, lmao.

anyway, so he tells me to gather my laundry together and he will get it started. i do just that once again smiling that it wont be me carrying it all. did i mention we live on the third story?

he goes up and down the stairs, toting laundry and detergent and dryer sheets. up and down. up and down. several horus pass and the laundry is complete. I begint o put it away. my sons thigns are done, now onto my own....

everything is so nicely folded and easy to put away because he not only folds it but sorts it into piles. I complete my task and go about getting ready for work. I really think nothing funny until i go to my sock drawer to put on socks. there aren't any except a pair of red and green christmas socks and a pair of knee high striped toe socks.

Where are all my socks?

i recheck the laundry basket.... empty

i ask my boyfriend if all the laundry is indeed finished.......yes

i return to my drawer incase i missed them the first time......still no socks

i sit down on the bed baffled.

i go back to the living room and grab my boyfriend and take him to my sock drawer and open it and ask him if he sees socks.

well of course he sees the christmas socks, takes them out and hands them to me and walks away.

It is now two weeks later and I have to tell you I still have not seen hide nor hair of my socks. I feel i should elaborate that we do laundry about every two weeks and I therefore have enough sicks to last me that long. meaning I had aprrox 15 to 16 pairs of socks go missing.

i've heard of the dryer eating socks, but 30 individual socks?

needless to say i examine my neighbors feet thoroughly each time i encounter them curious to know who is the proud new owner of 15 pairs of dollar socks from target......

so what's new?

2010-09-14T20:48:00.002-04:00

so, what has happened in the last few weeks? well......

we went on vacation to the beach which was great! a much needed break and though it was honestly weird to do it the first time without my ex/dom's daddy, it was a much needed break! the waether was beautiful and we had fun:)

once we got back it was time to get into school mode for dom who is is third grade this year and being homeschooled by his mommom. she chose to use the abeka program which i am super happy with and he is loving school, tho maybe not so much the homework. its great for me too because he is with her from about 10 til 3 every day and so i get some time to ge tthings done plus i have always wanted to pack him lunches ( dont ask me why) and now i get to!

i am currently taking a statistics class and hating every moment of it. apparently when i got my laptop about two years ago it came with programs and i somehow lost the packaging and so i dont have the product key to set up excel and so i cant do my homework:( boo for me. not sure what im gonna do about that....

and last but not least, i found out the day before we left for vacation that m and I are expecting:)

we are so happy and excited, we go to the doctor tomorrow for the first appointment and according to my calculations i will be 7 weeks and 5 days tomorrow:)

so how have you all been?

long hiatus

2010-09-14T11:18:00.002-04:00

so dear bloggy friends. i took a hiatus. I apologize for no warning ahead of time, but i just had to take some time. Some of my posts were so angry, hell i was so angry and thats not me. I am not filled with hate or anger, and i do not wish to have those things in my life. So, i needed to take a break and get myself together a little bit before coming back here:)

so many things have happened and honestly i wasn't sure if i might ever return but then shannon suggestd i do and i thought, yeah she's right, i big time miss blogging:)

so here i am!

I want to take sometime and fill you all in on everything thats been goingon pictures included, but for now i wanted to post something short and sweet and say hello:)

omg

2010-07-31T20:50:00.002-04:00

dear new job,
I am truly loving you more and more every day! even though i don't much care for getting up at 5:30 in the morning, and although i don't really speak for about 2 hours unitl i have fully woken up, and even though you keep me on my toes every second of the day.....i love the challenge of learning new things!
The preceptors i have are amazing and i am so thankful to have this opportunity!
Heart you!
new employee

dear smfe,
omg, i am loving our friendship! you have helped me learn that a friend accepts you no matter what and even though they may e very very honest with you about htings, it is out of love and caring and in the end, you always have my back! I want you to know i always have yours too! i love you from the bottom of my heart!
Love you mrs p!
rev p!

dear anonymous,
i can't reveal your identity because it might cause you trouble but yesterday you helped me in a huge way. for that i am grateful. i wasn't expecting it, and you certainly didn't have to do what you did. Thankyou,
from
me

dear person who has gotten on my nerves twice tonigth already,
when i say please don't share this information with anyone....I MEAN IT! it doesn't mean you can tell your sister and your grandmom and whoever else you tell. my business is my business and i certainly will be thinking twice before i share it with you again.
thanks for pissing me off
jineen

dear psycho bitch stalker,
i guess this isn't gonna get any better. i have done absolutely nothing to you. NOTHING. you are spreading lies about me to people. i know this. you are accusing me of doing the same and i haven't done anything. i dont talk about you to anyone. i have nothing bad to say other than you can't seem to mind your own business. you are being ridiculously dramatic. you are embellishing and lying. you are making everything about you when really it isn't about you AT ALL. of course thats typical fashion for you. i tried to end it, tried to make it so that you couldn't continue to stalk me. but somehow you seem to keep doing it.
All i can say is this. i have kept my mouth shut. i didnt have to. god knows you haven't. but let me tell you something right now.
you need to leave me the hell alone.
you want to pretend like im not alive, like i don't exist? then just freaking do it and leave me alone! keep my name out of your mouth! you are crazy, there is something wrong with you. seriously.
stop coming here.
this blog isn't for you.
quit being a pyscho stalker.

dear dom,
i had SO much fun with you at the beach thursday! you are my sweetest little pumpkin and i love you, seein gyour face light up on the boardwalk, seeing how happy you are when we spend time together, walking on the beach with and enjoying your little self is the best part of my life!
mommy loves you more than anything!
mommy

im a flipflopper....

2010-07-21T23:16:00.002-04:00

Dear bloggy friends:)
so i know i was on a bit of a rampage during my last post and in fact the one i had typed first was quite nasty. I deleted it about 10 mins after i posted it because that was anger talking and not me.
I have been thinking for the last few days and have decided not to make this private. i don't feel that i should be censored in my own blog. I am entitled to an opinion and i have the right to speak about things the way i see them. None of us know eachother anyway and i dont use names except for my own.

The things that i have shared on here are true. They are real and I will not back down on that or remove it. I stayed quiet for far too long and i will not do it anymore.

i love having this blog and i love my bloggy friends and followers. you all mean a ton to me and your advice and caring have gotten me through some tough times:) i love reading you and sharing with you.

thankyou for hanging in there:)

on a happier note, dom and i went to the beach on mnday with my bestie suzanne and her son:) best time ever! we got a little tan and a little burnt but it was a beautiful day and the kiddo's had a serious ton of fun. pics to come!
heart you all,
Jineen

Dear you's mother,
this blog is not for you. if you don't like what you are reading, stop reading it. if you dont like it because you know its the truth, too bad. at least you didn't live it. stop judging the way i am living my life, you have chosen to make me none of your concern so why do you care? do not be a hypocrite about what is wrong for me but acceptable for your son. I will repeat that this blog is truly none of your business, i do not wish for you to read it, but if you choose to continue to do so, at least have the courtesy to tell the truth about what it contains instead of exagerating and embellishing it.
it didn't have to be this way, thats on you,
Jineen

privacy....

2010-07-16T23:33:00.002-04:00

dear bloggy friends,
it has come to my attention that there is someone reading htis blog who doesnt belong. one person who is reading out of spite and then lying about what she reads on here. she is a hypocrite, a dramatic and ridiculous person. i had quite a nasty post on here that i only left up for a few minutes because that isnt who i am.
i am either going to go private or create a new blog where i can truly be me without being judged. please let me know your opinion about which option i should choose and also email me if you would like to follow me privately or follow my new blog.
lizlovey@hotmail.com

and to the lying hypocrite,
if you dont like what you are reading because you cannot handle the truth, stop reading. stop passing on incorrect information. and stop being a judgemental hypocrite. you know who you are.

pleading for your prayers....

2010-07-12T23:14:00.002-04:00

i am breaking traditional fashion of letter writing to beg for your prayers for my dear friends the Henn family. you may or may not have heard on the news, Nate Henn was killed in the bombing in Uganda yesterday, he was there doing charitable missions work for a cuase he eventually gave his life to. he was an amazing kid growing up and was laways good for a laugh. Today hs younger brother kyle was injured in a plane crash near his home in North Carolina.
This family is dear to my heart and i covet your paryers for them as they rally together to deal with the tragedy and loss in their life.
Thankyou sweet bloggy friends.....
Jineen

a recap....or short version of the last few months that might end up a long version....

2010-06-29T04:10:00.002-04:00

so i've been using the letter format, which i like very much, but i think i'm gonna break that habit for just this one post because there are so many things that i would like to say and they are kinda pouring out and wouldn't really even sound right in letters.....

i moved out in april. it was the hardest and longest thought about decision i have ever made. it has been so up and down and well....... all over the place i sometimes feel like i have to sit down just to think straight.

i have been angry and sad, happy and cheerful, frustrated and scared and a whole host of emotions.

so lets recap....

i moved out in april into an apartment, my first time living alone. i took very little with me and had to learn that when you decide to make macaroni and cheese because your eight year old loves it, you should make sure you have a pot in which to boil the water.

after you run out to the store to get the pot as well as a spoon because you remembered you would need something to stir those noodles, and then you get home and cook it ....

well wouldn't it be funny to learn you dni't own a colander either....

sending you back out to hte store to purchase said colander.

anyway, suffice it to say, i have finally stopped realizing the basic essentials i don't have, i think i am mostly stocked up.

the rooms are furnished, yes we finally havea couch to sit on, which was totally worth the wait....

and even though our mattresses are still on the floor, we are happy.

we enjoy spending days together by the pool, making tacos together, going to the movies together, laying in bed reading books together and just being mother and son.

my family has been amazing and just last night my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, and all of us were there surrounding her and i was thinking to myself, how lucky am i?

my heart is full dear friends.

though sometimes i express my frustration and anger here, i have so much more to me than that. i have been taking a crap load of pictures, which i love to do and will eventually get it together long enough to share some on here....

things are well with me:)

and yet another letter....

2010-06-19T13:06:00.002-04:00

dear self,

sometimes you really get on my own nerves, you are so down abot yourself. you see faults that no one else sees. why is that do you think? is the rest of the world deaf dumb and blind? or maybe, just maybe you are overly critical of yourself. hmmm, just wanted to let you know that there are plenty of people out there cheering you on, in fact they even wrote a blog post about you (miss bee) and here you are feeling inadequate. why? well i am the confident side of you and i am screaming to get out!
let me out now!
jineen

dear you,
its been a while, you know since i've really had anything to say, that is probably a good thing but i must tell you i am quite baffled by your behavior this past week. i haven't even gotten my thoughts together yet so i won't blurt them all out on here, suffice it to say, it isn't what you think it is, i'm happy and so is dom, we wish you were too and thats it for now.
me

dom,
mommy is so proud of you! you learned how to swim underater this week and you ljumped in from the side with no help! it makes my heart warm and my mouth smile just to watch you grow and learn. your little tan body snuggles up to me at night and that big cheesy smile looks up at me and i feel like i am the queen of the earth:) i am so lucky to be your mommy and be here for every little accomplishment!
always your biggest fan,
mommy

so much to say and i can't find the words..

2010-06-14T02:05:00.003-04:00

dear blog,
i have had you for over a year now. i have tried different formats and colors and ways of writing. it seems that we are going through some changes lately that i cna't tell if they are good or bad.
Don't get me wrong, i love you and if i didn't haev you to vent to i might shrivel up with frustration. But sometimes i wonder what could i be doing better? we have our faithful readers but i want to expand, touch more people get to know some others....

i guess i am feeling stumped at this point....

still a work in progress,
jineen

dear jackie,
a mere few hours ago you tucked my most precious little guy into bed, gave him some kisses and sent him off to dream land. this has been very successful for us ever since i moved out, though i don't know how you so willingly have the patience to do it night after night with nothing but a thankyou in return.

shortly after you left, little guy called me and he was crying. apparently he had some very unpleasant diarrhea and didn't know what to do. he knew he couldn't go back to sleep in it and he was far to embarrassed to ask m to help. so he wanted me to come home. he was heartbroken at the thought of laying there all night.....

you, without hesitation came to the rescue. you had no gas and it was well past midnight. but you were there to clean him and comfort him and lov ehim up when i couldn't. i know i def made the right decision when i picked you as godmother:)
love you dearest sister,
jineen

dear world,
someties things seem so unfair. i know that there are many out there with far less than me, but sometimes i feel so overwhelmed and just so....tired.
why do you constantly present me with these challenges and think i am capable of facing them? will i ever be able to sleep for more than four hours at a time?
just wondering, cuz i really am tired....,
jineen

the wise bee

2010-06-13T01:39:00.003-04:00

dear outspoken bee,

i have finally found your blog that you created:) i read all the way trhough from the beginning which took me a while because i wanted to soak up and absorb every bit. i won't link you yet because i don't have your permission...

(suffice it to say readers of mine, she is amazing.)

AMAZING!

one thing that i most admire about you is that you are 100% real 100% of the time. there is no fooling around or mincing of words. it is all truth and honesty and i value that in you. it is true we have never met though i believe we have "known" eachother for a little over a year and a half now...

when i read your posts on abuse it hit home.

you know alot of what is going on but i am sure you also know that there are so many things i choose not to share on here. shameful things that i couldn't bare for people to know. maybe we will get a chance to talk about it someday.

let me just say if there is anyone reading this and you think you are being abused or you are suffering from abuse and you don't know what to do...

i am by no means an expert, merely experienced in my own life, but i am here, and te outspoken bee has many posts that are informative and supportive.

miss bee, you are truly a kindred spirit and i can't wait to meet you and hang out and get to know you even better!

thankyou for your daily support and words of wisdom, thankyou for not judging, thankyou for speaking the truth.
jineen

summer

2010-06-11T22:31:00.002-04:00

dear pool,
yay, dom and i will be coming to visit you tomorrow:) i love sittin gnext to you and being outside and simming in your super cool water! it is pretty much the funnest thing ever........ can't wait to see you!
jineen

dom,
today you really MADE MY DAY! first you told me i look like a princess in my sundress and then you told me the tacos i made for dinner were the best ever. you sure know how to flatter someone:) never change that!
mommy

jackie,
i missed you today because you had to work:( that is the saddset thing ever because its always better when you are here!
sister

you,
the ball is in your court, please dont let us down again
jineen

isnt it funny.....

2010-06-09T16:48:00.002-04:00

dear you,

there are so many things running through my head today but the most very important is that I DID NOT TAKE YOUR SON FROM YOU! you gave him up.

WILLINGLY.

you didnt even try and negotiate or fight. You are so caught up in your own self that you cannot see beyond that to what you are doing to him.

right before i moved out we talked about ridiculous things, and i think maybe it was partly to make you feel better, but there are somethings i meant.

we talked about doing stuff as a family still for doms sake so that he could see us together and getting along. guess that won't be happening anytime soon. i would have done it too. i would even welcome your girlfriend to come along because the way i see it is that one more person to love our son can never be a bad thing.

but you are so hateful.

you think about you and you spread lies to everyone you touch.

when i had my nervous breakdown i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and you went around telling everyone i was bipolar and it was so hard for you to live with me.

you told everyone that you didn't hit me but you pled guilty.

you told everyone that i now have a boyfriend and am therefore a slut but you have a girlfriend.

all those lies that you convinced me of over the years have built up inside of me into some terrible twisted sickness......

now i am letting it go. you are a liar and nothing i can do will ever change that. nothing that comes out of your mouth can be trusted, but i am freeing myself of that from this moment on. leave me alone and save your lies for your famiy and friends. see how long they last.

free of the king of lies,
jineen

a coupla things

2010-06-07T06:34:00.003-04:00

dear dom,
oh son, how you make me smile every day:) we spent all of saturday at the pool with plenty of friends and family to join in the fun:) i loved seeing you swim around, make new friends and be outside in the beautiful sun:)

yesterday at aunt kelly's babyshower you were so well behaved, i was proud to be your mom:)

last night when i had to leave for work and you had tears in your eyes, i did too, oh how i miss you when i leave. then you called me and said you just missed me too much to wait to talk to me. It makes me smile to think of you picking up the cell phone and dialing my number anxiously hoping for me to answer.

I love you more every day:)

love, mommy

dear jackie,

again you tucked and snuggled my son into bed. he is so sad when i leave for work and you are there to comfort him and let him know things will be ok. you do it without complaint, without concern for your own plans and without repayment of any kind.

i love you and am grateful that we have eachother again:)

love
jineen

dear you,

so, you wanted me to pay your rent again. im not quite sure what isn't clear to you about i am not paying any more bills for you. i have plenty of opinion about you breaking the court order to contact me though.
i have tried to be understanding, and tried to hold my head high, but i have to say when you called me a dumb cow, that really got me. im not sure why, because quite frankly i have moved on, i guess it hurt because you continue to spread the word about how terrible i am and those loser friends of yours jsut keep sticking their heads up your ass and agreeing. for the record... they haven't even met me. so they can agree all they want, doesn't mean you are right.

the power you once had over me is gone. i am no longer scared or worried about what you will say or think and that is freeing as hell. but for some reason i am still embarrassed for people to know the things you did.

why am i embarrassed? who the hell knows. YOU did it. i guess i didn't want anyone to know i had to live with those things. i felt sad and pathetic. you probably loved that. seems to me you weren't ever really sorry either. seems to me like you were proud to see what you could get away with.

sometimes i feel so bitter towards the fact that you are saying whatever you want about me and telling everyone whatever you want and i choose to stay much more anonymous. maybe the day will come that i won't be so quiet anymore. but you know what i really think will happen?

all those so called friends and family will eventually see you for exactly what and who you are and they won't be around so much anymore either. they don't even need me to tell them. all they need is time with you and they will know.

i wish you would call our son more often. hearing from you once or twice a week really isn't alot and i know it hurts him. i see his little face so sad. i know that he misses you terribly, do you miss him? and what are your parents thinking? what in the hell have you told them that has them convinced that they aren't even going to try and see their grandson? i have so many things to say about that, but for now i am choosing my words carefully so i will leave it at that.

even after all this, i am hoping you are getting it together. dom needs you.
jineen

i won but we all lost really.....

2010-05-29T21:11:00.002-04:00

dear you again,

so we went to court yesterday. i showed up 20 mins early, you weren't there. the court ruled in my favor through default and just as the bailiff was showing me into the judge to sign the papers, i almost ran headfirst into you. At first i was upset, you were 20 minutes late and i didn't feel like dealing with all of this to begin with, especially on my birthday.

but then the mediators asked me what i wanted. i said full custody and i want you to leave me alone.

you, i really thought you would fight. no way were you giving me full custody without visitation. i told them i was sure you would request visitation of some kind. and i would have agreed. i want you to see our son, i want you to be the dad i know you can be.

but you didn't even fight.

as i am sitting here typing this, tears are pouring out of my eyes because you gave up on your son. the next time you see him, he will be 9 and a half. you will miss him swimming in the pool, halloween, christmas. you won't be there for his birthday or easter. he won't even get to celebrate fathers day with you this year.

i may have won in court, but we all lost. the only thing you requested was phone contact, didn't you see how readily i agreed to that? didnt you remember i said i wouldn't take your son from you and i meant it?

even now, you haven't tried to call him. its been three and a half weeks since you've seen him. my heart is breaking for both of you because i know that you love your son.

you, he misses you. please, i didn't ask for child support, i didn't ask for restitution, please, work hard at your job, complete your classes and get it together. there is a little boy living with me who needs us BOTH to take care of him.

hoping and waiting,
jineen

dear you's mother,

i texted you today to tell you that even though your son gave up his son, that i want you to be a part of his life. that i would never keep him from you. i told you that he and i both love you and miss you. i said that even if you didn't want to see me anymore, that i wouldn't make it uncomfortable for you to see dom. i apologized for things getting nasty even though it isn't me or you making it that, it is your son. but you have been in my life for so many years, i didn't want to lose you, or your family.

i don't know what he is telling you, i can't imagine it is anything good. i doubt it is the truth either. but i trust that you know him well enough to know that. i trust that you can see for yourself the way he is acting.

all i am asking is that you don't forget about your only grandson who misses his best friend/uncle.

i saw that after i texted you, you sent texts to your son. but you didn't answer me. i humbled myself and put it out there to try and keep the relationship open. i don't know what else i can do.

i miss you and love you,
jineen

dear god,

i am so sad right now and i dont know what to do.
jineen

dear family, friends and bloggy peeps:)

thankyou so much for the birthday wishes and thoughts! i truly had a great day:) love to you all
jineen

tomorrow is a big day....,.

2010-05-27T23:41:00.002-04:00

Dear Judge,

Sir/ma'am, i would jsut like to ask you to seriously consider my request for a standing PFA for both myself and my son. I know that this means for a year my ex won't be able to see us, but i am willing to modify the order so that he may have contact with our son via phone.
the problem is judge, after really truly spending the last few wweks thinking hard about what i honestly believe is best for my son, i have concluded that being around his father right now is both unsafe and unhealthy.
He has no electricity, no money, no food and no desire to care for a child. He is hateful and mean and trheatening and yes i have proof of all those things. I have phone calls and texts and physical witnesses to violence, and facebook postings and my own testimony.

i want to do the right thing here, so judge please, make him get some help. force him to get some help. i want our son to know his father, but this isn't him....

thankyou judge,
Jineen

dear friends and family,
in 15 minutes i will be 28. it is my first birthdya after having moved out. it will be the first time i must do everything for myself for my birthday. i hope it doesn't sound selfish but birthdays are kinda a big deal to me and i always ty to celebrate for other a ton. so please, all i am asking is don't forget me today, i need you all:)

love,
Jineen

Dear sunshine,
ever since i laid out that one day you have since been MIA. I want you to know it is nearing the end of may and it is past time for you to start making a dialy appearance. you see i am working on whats called a base tan.

the pool opens this weekend and i have no desire to be glowing in the dark at that time.

please co-operate
Jineen

dear dominic,

when you called me into your room the other day and you had your globe under your shirt and told me you were pregnant and you and mommom were having a babyshower later, i was stuck kinda between shocked and peeing myself.

for one thing you are a boy and for another your sudden obsession with pregnancy is hilarious. mommy isn't havinga baby right now so you took it into your own hands. i am laughing my ass off and i don't know what i would do without you:)

Love you forever
mommy

somethings an dthen some more things......

2010-05-25T01:51:00.003-04:00

dear you,

yup another bit of wasted space to get out my frustration with you. it jsut keeps getting better and better with you. today you texted my sister to ask if i could put you on my car insurance because you got pulled over and ticketed for driving with out. and you now have a court date. and you want me to pay for it but you will pay me back later. and you need the proof by friday.

AND YOU'VE KNOWN FOR WEEKS!!!!

i ignored it at first because quite frankly i was shocked you would even ask. then you texted the other sister to see if i got the message. i let you know that i was sorry but i was unable to help you and you just ran with that talking about being f*cked over and needing help and i made you look like a scumbag for publishing our court date in the paper (of course if you had shown for the court date that wouldn't have happened).

i am honestly at a loss. you are mean and nasty and hateful, you have some other kid sleeping and vomiting in my kids bed, his whole room smelled. you have some other womans dirty bloddy underwear in the bathroom, no food just beer in the fridge and you havent paid you electric bill in months.

and you want me to send my kid there?

you want me to pay your rent and your car insurance and your cell phone, well hell, i might as well open up a mens shelter and let every wife beater out there come live off of me.

kiss off,

jineen

dear mom,

you have taken care of my son for me the last two dayas so i could finally get some sleep because i am having a hard time calming down lately. i appreciate you more than you could ever know and i know that you think i am helping you out a ton by letting you stay with me, but really it is nice to jsut have my mommy there when i am going thru all this bullshit and to have someone who loves my son helping out.

you are encouraging and loving and so good for me to be around.
i love you mom,
jineen

dear sister,

you make me laugh everyday. even when i am having the shittiest day ever and just want to hide, you pull out the cigs and we have a smoke and i get it off my chest and you haev me cracking up and peeing my pants within a few minutes. even when i was quite pissy with you last night, you forgave me instantly and loved me still.

remember when we were kids and use to sit at the dinenr table trying to be quiet so dad didn't yella t us and then you'd start laughing and then we'd all start laughing? we always got in trouble but we always had fun.

(p.s. sorry for that time i hung your baby dolls by moms sewing thread from the ceiling and told you they committed suicide because they didn't like you anymore. that really wasn't nice of me.)

love ya forever,
jineen

to you and you and you

2010-05-24T03:22:00.003-04:00

Dear patient in 523,

Remember when i entered your room all smiles and cheer and i asked you how you were doing? and remember how you looked at me and said "listen here lady, i'm miserable and it's gonna be a long night". Well that "tylenol" (that certainly wasn't an ambien) shortened the night quite a bit huh?

sweet dreams,
jineen

Dear driver who rode my ass,

I did not appreciate you riding so close to my bumper that had I needed someone to perform cpr in my trunk you would have been the man for the job. i was going 70mph, and the speed limit was 55. im not sure where you were going but riding my ass didnt make me go any faster, huh?

kiss off,
Jineen

(p.s. you looked like a monkey waving your arms around, if meant it to look threatening it did not.)

Dear wawa mocha alert coffee,

oh ho wi love your extra dose of caffeine. even though you are a powder mixed with water, your flavor is so tasty i wake up craving you. you get me through my day,

heart you
Jineen

Dear patient in 526,

just so you know i am trying to type a blog post and interupting me to have me come and scratch your foot IS JUST A LITTLE ANNOYING!!!!! I don't care i fyou are 90 years old, scratch your own damn foot!

your caring nurse
Jineen

bloggy friends,

i apologize, this post isnt that interesting, but i needed a down day, lol and i seem to thrive on this letter format thingy. heart you all for coming back!
Jineen

more letters.....

2010-05-21T21:53:00.002-04:00

dear m.....

today was a bad day for me. i was sick this morning and worried and then postponed. when i came home you didnt say much and i took it to mean that you didnt care or notice.

i went outside with my sister and my son and you came along and joked around, touched me a few times just to let me know you were there, but still.....

i wanted you to ask me how my day was and letme get it out. i needed for you to do that.

i came in and rinsed off my sweat in the shower and laid down, i had been up for 27 hours by that time anad i was over exhausted......

you came and laid down next to me and said "just so you know i'm here when you are ready to talk. but don't let it build up inside. talk to me."

my mouth opened and so did the floodgates. i told you every fear and concern i had, every tear i cried you met with a smile and kind words.

you encouraged me, uplifted me and cheered me on. you made me feel strong again when i felt weak all day.

you made me feel worthwhile and proud when i felt down and hopeless all day.

i cried and laughed through my tears as you brought me up out of my misery with that way you have and i finally slept.

jineen

you know who you are

2010-05-21T03:55:00.002-04:00

dear you,

tonight you called me ignorant and vengeful. you didnt even spell it right, but trust me it hurt just like you meant it to. I know you said more to my sister about me that she is censoring me from because you have already hurt me enough today.

when i found out that you have no intention of coming to court today, i wonder why you wont be there to defend yourself. I mean, i guess htere isn't much you can say, but still. you won't even fight to see your child? he misses you. two and a hlaf weeks ago when you said goodbye to him, i know that he had no idea it would be the last time he saw you for a long while. two weeks ago he was asking for you every day. one week ago he mentioned that he hasn't talked to you on the phone in a while and were you ok. this week he hasn't really talked about you at all except to his therapist.

your rent is over due by a month.

for some reason you found it necessary to state that i should pay it to keep myself out of trouble with my credit. Thanks for thinking of me.

when you heard i wasn't gonna pay it, you became nasty, again.

why am i continuously surprised by this?

you were supposed to start your job three weeks ago. now it is next monday. i continue to pay your cell phone bill even though these last two months you either went over or are near to going over your minutes.

you write on facebook all the time about the amazing days you are having and how much fun your life is, but you complain to my family that i am selfish and uncaring because you have no money and i won't give you any more.

everytime i am forced to be subjected to you either by third party or in person, i am bitter afterwards because you are mean and hateful.

i would just like to remind you that it is you who abused me. and when i finally couldn't take it anymore i left. and now you continue to abuse me however and whenever you can.

my friend serena gave me some advice and i took it and will continue to do so.

i wish you the best and hope that you can reevaluate your life. i hope you can get it together for the sake of our son. i hope you find happiness and comfort.

but if you don't i want you to know that me and dom? we are doing just fine without you. we are happy and healthy and safe. we go places and do things, we spend time together and have friends. and i know that even though he will wonder why he doesn't have you.....he will also know that he always has me.

jineen

this format seems to work for me....

2010-05-19T02:22:00.002-04:00

Dear god,

though i know that you already know how i am feeling there are soem thigns that i would like to discuss with you and since i know y ou wont be answering back, just listening whole heartedly, i am gonna let it flow.

I am such a mix of emotions, some days i dont even know which way is up. I am mad because i feel like i have very little control over things. you know how much i like and need control. maybe thats why you have taken it away from me. not too sure, but i want you to know how uncomfortable it makes me. i overdrew my checking account today to put gas in my car and it has had me pissed off ever since. i knowingly did it and i have very good reasons, this you know because i am very good with money normally except this past week when i just can't quite squeeze enough off tha money tree.

be patient you say? relax and let you handle it god? well im sure thats a good theory but i know you wont be the one paying that overdraft fee or feeling guilty that for once in you adult life you messed up your bank acocunt.

i am sad because there are moments when i miss my ex husband so much it hurts. just little things, or vacations. it wasn't all bad you know and though alot of it was, i do miss the dream of what we could have been. what? yes lord i know i tried my hardest for years, but doubt has a way of washing over me and sometimes i am afraid i am gonna drown in it.

i am scared because i do not know what the future holds. my son and i are good right now, but who wants to be alone forever? who wants to go through learning about soemone else and hoping they want to learn about you too? i am feeling downright cheated right now that you didn't give me a mate that i could have stayed with my whole life. the one you gave me was defetive and i am tired of getting the short end of the stick.

i am also thankful. thankful for my health. thankful for my son and my family and my friends (esp my bloggy friends who know that i am writing this only to vent and not to complain)....

well, lord i guess i have said enough for one day. thanks for listening. i'm sure i will be back,
jineen

if you call me this, i might defriend you....

2010-05-14T05:04:00.003-04:00

so i am gonna give some advanced warning that this post will contain some offensive language and content. I will not be offended at all if you choose to stop reading and i also promise this is not a preview of every post from here on out.
that being said it is my blog and this is a place i feel i can come and get out the bullshit.

To Whom it May Concern,

There are certain people who are saying certain things on certain public areas of the internet about me. they are hurtful and mean, and i don't like it. i choose not to respond on the same venue and create sometype of facebook war, but suffice it to say calling me a whore who isn't worth the air im breathing might be a just cause to defriend you.

if after i defriend you, you text me to say that you are glad i left and that you hate me and everything i do and that you are going to take my son away from me for ever and that i am a waste of life and that you will take care of me and anyone i bring around my kid, i may just call the police.

and if you continue to harrass me and post on my pictures on facebook that i am a cheating whore, i may file for a restraining order.

if your family comments on my pictures and my posts my friends are probably gonna retaliate.

however, i am not trying to take your son from you nor do i wish to fight or interfere with your life. and i will also be taking the high road and not announcing to your family that you have been abusing me for the past five years in every way imaginable. Nor will i tell everyone you know that when you were 22 you had an afair with my 15 year old sister.

twice.

neither will i share with your friends that you tried to have an affair with the other sister and wrote her letters which my family still has.

i will not call your boss and tell him that you consume far too much alcohol everyday or that the anger management class you took was because you almost killed me that time.

i am sharing it here because your friends and family don't know this exists and because if you are reading it you already know the truth about it all anyway.

though you may never admit to these things and though you may fight me tooth and nail, i will continue to tell your son everyday that you love him and miss him.
Though you have probably played your sympathy game to everyone you know and have them convinced i am a monster when really it is you who is black on the inside, i will continue to support you in your job and in your parenting because like it or not we will be a team in that respect for the rest of our lives.

somedays, i throw up because i am just so sick of always taking the high road. somedays i want to personally call each of your friends and family and tell them how you held me down and did what you did to me, show them the marks and bruises you left on my body.

but i won't. because at this point in my life the only thing i have in common with you is a beautiful son whom we created and who desperately needs both his mother and his father.

and so i ask you if i can put it all behind me and swallow my pride for the sake of my kid, can you do it too?

sincerely
Jineen

sleepy, sleepy, sleepy

2010-04-21T05:13:00.002-04:00

if i was a dwarf guess which one i'd be?

as i sit here and type i can barely keep my eyes open and for good reason. I have barely had 3 hours of sleep in the last twenty four hours and have worked way too much in the past three days, not to mention two therapy appts and a dentist appt.

have you ever been so tired and just waiting for the time to pass so that you can get to bed and it seems to drag on and on?

one patient is screaming out my balls are cold, another is askign for gum or coffee and yet another one wants endless supplies of pain medicine. my coworker and i were cleaning up a particularly stinky mess and i was talkig aloud, wondering what is it that made me choose this profession? what made me decide to clean asses for a living and stay up all night to do so?

so my question for you is this, what is the best/worst part of your job and what brought you to your current position?

OMG! i've joined the 21st century!

2010-04-14T06:13:00.003-04:00

its kinda like the kid who wears what was cool from last year on the first day of school this year only to discover its no longer cool. and after beggin their mom the entire summer to buy them jsut this one pair of pants please, their mom makes them wear those damn pants every week. anyway...

my point is as you may know i have been making a ton of changes over these past few weeks and some of them include joining the 21st century. such as

i finally have internet on my phone. i was trying to play it cool with having facebook updates texted to my phone, at least then i looked busy and seemed cool, but now i have the real deal and i can ~~stalk~~ check the status of my friends from the toilet or the car.

i have a dishwasher. there is a story why i never had a dishwasher, its long and old, but suffice it to say you should never use dish detergent in a dishwasher. and you certainly should never ever fill the little tray all the way up with said dish detergent. and you should never never ever run the damn thing again once you clean up all the bubbles assuming you got them all out the first time. cuz you did not.

my oven works. ahem. the one at my son's fathers house hasn't worked in years and suffice it to say i got very good at microwaving or stove top cooking. so now i can have casseroles. which i wasn't allowed to make and lets face it sometimes you jsut want a damn mixture of all the shit left over in the fridge. or maybe you dont, but you can make it anyway because you now have an oven.

i have two bathrooms. surely you would understand that three people sharing one bathroom makes for some interesting arrangements. especially when you are in the middle of your shower and someone has to shit. and not just any ole dump either but one that has a smell so powerful you feel like you are bathing in that instead of your peach ginger soap.

anyone else tryin to catch up with the jones'?

things i didnt know until i was a nurse....

2010-04-06T04:54:00.002-04:00

yes i went to school for years to learn how to be a nurse.

and then i went though orientation for weeks to learn how to put it into practice.

and now i am back in school to learn how to be even more of a nurse (is that possible?)

but there are some things that they just dont teach you in nursing school or prepare you for in orientation.

there are something you have to learn on your own....i share them with you now....

1.) yes it is in fact possible to hold your bladder for an entire 12 hour shift and not pee yourself

2.)that when you work night shift, most people think you should get by with only 3-4 hours of sleep, "what do you mean you slept from 10am to 5 pm?"

3.)that it would be possible to consume that expected (8) eight oz glasses of water, (it still counts if it is brewed with beans and cream and sugar are added, right?)

4.)it is in fact possible to clean poop, vomit, saliva and urine off of your patient, yourself, their bed and the wall and then go scarf down your lunch with no afterthought.

5.) yes, poop does come in all colors of the rainbow

6.) hearing a little old lady insist that she is in labor, despite the fact that she is 92 and then watching her give birth to a rolled up blanket is not the funniest part of your day

7.)you will begin to read the obituaries

every day

and know at least one person

8.)eyeballing the veins of anyone who stands next to you is normal behavior

9.)you will learn how to cook an entire holiday meal in the breakroom using nothing but a george foreman grill and a crockpot, and not set off the smoke detectors.

10.) it is possible to fall asleep standing up, at the red light, in the middle of a conversation and last but not least while finally sitting down to pee after 12 hours!

what had happened was....

2010-04-03T01:53:00.002-04:00

ok so i decided to listen to you shannon:) sort of. and by that i mean no speed to help me out losing weight:) i skipped the cleanse part and am drinking a ton of water instead to try and flush my body out. With a move coming up in 6 days and lots of work to be done i am not fitting any exercise in....but packing and cleaning and then carrying all those boxes has to count for something right?

so my towels from jc penney's came in the mail today and they are beautiful! perfect! jsut what i wanted.

my problem ahs always been this, i won't spend money on myself. i rarely buy myself anything very nice and even when i do i feel guilty about it later. but i am done with that. i made a list of the things that i need for my sona nd myself and i am being frugal, searching the sale papers and buying super nice stuff at a super nice price! so my egyptian cotton, cream colored extra large, fluffy soft towels come in the mail and it almost makes me want to bathe every day jsut to use them.....

almost.....

it is down to the wire with 6 days to go and plenty of stuff to take up time in between, don't even ask me why it took three people 6 hours to get one little boy's room cleaned up and pack up half his crap only to discover we weren't even finished yet....

other than that, i am happy, tired, but happy! how are you?

spring cleaning, but not in the usual way....

2010-03-31T04:09:00.002-04:00

yes it is true, the weather is changing! the birds are chirping. the sun is out! we may even hit 70 degrees here in delaware this week! time to do a little spring cleaning.....

and by that i mean my colon.

What had happened was..... i had lost 40 pounds over the last year and was doing an ass kicking job of getting in shape....then around november i jsut kind of well....stopped. nervous breakdown, failed marriage, whatever the reason and now on the last day of march i have found myself with 20 of those pounds right back on my body.

i don't know which was worse, seeing it for myself and trying to convince myself i was being harsh, finally getting on the scale and confirming the numbers or hearing from my friends that indeed it was noticable after all.

whats a girl to do?

well, i was sad for a day. sad and disappointed i mean i worked hard to get rid of this fat! i was fitting in a size smaller and feeling liek i was on my way... and then bam!

but, today i am done with sad and now i have a plan.

a spring cleaning plan.

yup, i am gonna do a cleanse. im not even gonna lie and sugar coat it for you. i may be slightly embarrassed to reveal what is about to go down, but im gonna do it anyway.

quick trim has a 48 hour cleanse and i am gonna buy some and do it and then i am gonna get their pills too. my plan is to get a treadmill in my new apartment, but until i can afford that i have plenty of exercise dvds and i am getting back on track because i need to!

so 48 hour cleanse, diet pills, exercise and food habit changing are my srping cleaning regime.....

this means two things...

here comes the skinny bitch.....

but first its probably just here comes the bitch:)

what's new?

2010-03-29T22:44:00.002-04:00

hello dear friends!

I know, I know,
I am THE worst blogger ever. Things have been so busy..... i come here and read yoru blogs and think of all the witty comments i could leave and then i think of something so fantastic to blog about and then i get busy and i just never get around to it. I used to be so faithful.....

So whats new? how have you been?

Wanna know whats new with me? Well i guess i'll spill it...

So in 10 days I am moving into my apartment with my midget. Oh wait, i mean my eight year old.

I have been packing and tying up loose ends for a while and realizing that even though I am not taking very much, alot of crap is accumulated after 9 years!

I have such a mix of emotions, happy, sad, excited, scared, nervous, mad.....so many things... have you ever felt that way? about what?

it is finally beginning to get warm around here and for that i am super happy, means i can start working on my tan sooner rather than later! yay for tans! (i know i know, skin cancer and sun block and all that)...

so i am working and going to school jsut the same as usual and now i am thinking maybe its time for some new pics, gonna have to work on that this week! Catch me up with all of you!

i wish i was witty or at least god

2010-03-07T06:04:00.002-05:00

.....but i'm not. i love to read those snarky blogs full of little hirlaious tidbits that make me snort whatever i'm drinking out of my nose. i long to be like them, but alas i am regular.

i have been working all weekend and am now officially about to be on vacation for two weeks. not that i'm going anywhere, just not going to work.

just fine by me because as much as i love to wipe ass and crush meds in applesauce and shove them down people's throats, even that gets tiring.

i am on the search for the perfect apartment for my little guy and myself and have been looking and looking and looking......gets kinda old after a while and i havent even begun to pack. not that i'm taking much, but just the clothes alone scare me....

not too much interesting going on, i saw a yeigermeister girl do a dance move i will be envious of for the rest of my life.....

.....and i believe i am addicted to wii bowling, which is just fine with dom because he loves to make up mii's on there. in fact one day when i was getting a shower he asked to make mii's on the wii and i was like sure, ok....i set him up and had a very peaceful 10 minutes all alone!

when i came out he wanted to show me all the hard work he had done making 7 mii's....and he turns to me and says "mommy, i want to be just like God when i grow up."

"oh yeah? you want to be the maker of the earth?"

"no"

"the father of jesus?"

"no"

"you want people to pray to you?"

"no"

"well what is it about God that you like"

"he's black" and then he proceeds to show me all the mii's he made look exactly like morgan freeman, because evan almighty is his favorite movie and mr. freeman plays god in that movie.

its good to be me:)

2010-03-06T06:06:00.002-05:00

"mommy?"

"yes dom"

"when i was a baby living in your tummy, how did i get out?"

"you know"

"i want you to say it"

"dom, you came out of my vagina."

lots of giggling ensues on the part of the 8 yr old son.

"mommy?"

"yes dom"

"is a vagina an inside out penis?"

yup, one saturday morning as we were getting a gourmet breakfast together, and by that I mean yummy poptarts broken in half and put on a paper towel just the way the midget likes them......

that was the conversation we had.

my son and i have been growing more and more close over the last few weeks, and for that I am especially grateful. my mom and i have been growing more and more close over the past few weeks and for that I am grateful.

i have a group of friends who love me and support me and for that i am grateful.

i am hopefully back to the bloggin scene, and for that ~~you~~ i am grateful:)

i climbed up out of the snow to deliver this.....

2010-02-07T21:28:00.001-05:00

so those of you living anywhere near me know that I am talking about almost 2 feet of snow, which for sarah may not be a ton, but for us in delaware it is a rare occurrence! I got stuck at work all weekend because i couldn't get home and co-workers couldn't get in......that was fun, sleepover at work.....mrsa covered beds....hospital food....
at least i had clean underwear....

anyway, it has been almost a month since i last posted and i feel pretty bad about that. i used to be such a faithful blogger and then it became the source of fighting for hubby and I and so i backed off, and then I went private and I really backed it off. I am debating now whether or not to remain private or reopen myself to the world. i am tired of hiding, and this was supposed to be an outlet, instead I let myself be convinced it wasn't a good way to get my thougths out and therefore i gave up.

But i have missed my dear friends and i don't keep up with you all the way that i should, so give me your thoughts on that if you wouldn't mind, remain private or go back out into the world?

play along

2010-01-16T18:34:00.002-05:00

have you ever felt llike you were just playing along in your own life just to get through? sometimes i feel
like that. that i am just going through the motions, that everyone else is saying and doing what they want and i am just doing and saying what is expected of me.

how do you break away from that? it is one of the things i struggle with because it is easier for me to help everyone else be happy instead of myself. it is easier to say the things that i know they want to hear rather than say the truth.

i have been looking at apartments and have even found myself alittle excited. i have never lived on my own before and tho i know it will not always be exciting or eay, it will be different and maybe i wont feel the pressure to pretend so much anymore. and i wont be scared.

so friends, how have you been? i have been reading all your blogs to catch up and i admit i haven't been as good with the comments simply because i just want to see how you have all been:) i love you all.......

so here i am

2010-01-15T06:41:00.002-05:00

so i figured if I am gonna have a blog, and be a little faithful to it, i will need to write more than one post per month.

the problem is, i don't really know what to write about. I mean i have a ton of stuff going on, as ia m sure you can assume from my last post. and yet it seems so jumbled i fear putting it into words here, i don't want to sound nuts or even worse.......whiny.

i applied for a new unit and am anxiously waiting to hear if i got the job or not. it would take off some of the stress that this current postion gives me. keep your fingers crossed, i feel the interview went well, but that was a week ago already.

little man is doing great, my mom is teaching him school now and that has been a tremendous thing for many reasons. you may remember my mom and i dont have the best relationship, but her and my son are two peas in a pod and when she offered to do it, i was overjoyed. he has learned more in the past two months than i have taught him alll year. and he loves the time with her. and she loves the time with him. she says she has a reason to get up now, and i get to see her and we are working on it, ya know?

the other stuff, well its just too much for now. but thankyou for coming back.

i admit it, i'm a slacker

2010-01-10T03:00:00.001-05:00

so i know i have been mia for quite a while and i so very much appreciate you all thinkin gof me and wondering where i've been. i guess since i made my blog private, i have kinda slacked off. i'm not really too sure why, just that there have been so many things going on and tho no one but us is reading anymore I am still scared to share.
why would i be scared? i guess because if my husband reads it he will be mad. or because maybe you will all see how crazy i really am. or because it is painful to share. or well hell i don't know the list goes on and on.
so anyway, i will probably keep this short, partly because i don't wish to drag it out and partly because my patient is confused and i am still laughing at something he told me, and i need to tend to him.
i have taken off my wedding rings. i plan to move out in february. i am sad and confused and lonely and hurt and I know that my husband is all of those things too. I have been going thru therapy and hoping that he will get some help as well. that is why i have been absent. the end

now, on a lighter note.....
did you know that if it is 3 o'clock here, than it is 4 o'clock in korea and the surrounding areas. and that upstairs is 1-1-4 and don't get screwed out of your meals. now if you will kindly bring 4 cups of water and 2 cups of coffee, they can be reheated as we go along. the system is hard, so we aren't going to start over. and we aren't going over the head of this gentleman here because it is through no fault of his own that i am getting screwed out of my meals from 1-1-4.

at least that is what my patient told me.

ok so here i am...

2009-11-28T13:50:00.002-05:00

thankyou kristina for the vote of confidence. it has been a hard month for me so far. I am just beginning to learn all the things that i can no longer hide from and facing them is perhaps the hardest thing i have ever had to do.

add on to that back to work and school and still trying to maintain a normal household for the sake of my son. plus i am so used to doing for everyone else to keep them happy, that learning to do what makes me happy is super challenging. and then to not feel guility about it.....

work has been good tho, i have gone in with a new attitude, and making this page as well as my facebook private haas helped me feel like now i have some limits. or boundaries as my therapist likes to call them. he says i never had any before. so that is yet another first for me.

and still i find myself tending to pretend sometimes just so i dont have to explain myself. i guess i am a work in progress.

thanksgiving was nice and i spent black friday with my girlfriends. i should now be doing homework and cutting hubby's hair, but i wanted to get back into the swing of blogging a little more, i am such a good reader and such a bad typer.

well anyway, thanks for coming back to see your crazy bloggy friend:)

ok, here is the low down...

2009-11-20T03:31:00.002-05:00

so i have been MIA for a while, with some sporadic here and there nothingness on here, and i feel that the people i have come to know and care for deserve better. I have loved having this blog and have enjoyed sharing my life with you as well as being a part of yours:) I had to make this blog private for several reasons, which i am sure will become obvious to you while reading this.

I will share what has been going on, but i want to be sure you know my reasons. i don't want pity, or sadness, i just choose to share with you as friends. because thats what we are right? friends:)i want you to know where i am coming from and i want you to keep coming back. god knows, so much of my problem comes from worrying too much about what other people think and basing everything i say and do on what it will make people think of me. So i hope you will take my story for what it is and keep coming back and realize that i am working to move past it and i don't want you to think of me only as someone with this problem, but as someone who you read their blog and they once went through this....

ok, enough rambling.....

so about 3.5 weeks ago, in the middle of my shift at work, a friend asked me if i was ok. My blood pressure had been pretty high for 2 weeks and i jsut wasn't feeling well that night. she is one of my dearest friends and after one look and that one simple question....."are you ok?" i just lost it.

apparently, when i do thigns i do them big, because i lost it in a big way.

I started crying and mumbling something about work and then she looked at me and she said "this isn't all from work, what is goin on?".

and that put me over the edge.

Between vomiting, crying uncontrolably and a bp that topped out at 190/120.....i was, as they say...

A HOT MESS

i was incoherently rambling and for someone who has never, NEVER lost control in their life, who prides themself on their control over everything and who sets the standard for herself very high.....i guess you jsut can't do that for 27 years and expect to come out ok.

so, my two dearest friends took me to employee health in the morning and i was given two options.

be committed to the pysch ward immediately

or do intensive partial inpatient treatment, meaning i get to come home at night and on the weekends.

so for two weeks, i came to the hospital everyday and stayed.

and talked.

and started some meds.

and remained in denial for a good bit of time.

and came home and continued to pretend that everything was fine.

I tried folks very hard.

i tried to hold it together and tell myself that this wasn't happening, but it was.

it is.

I am back to work as of tonight after 3 weeks off. i am seeing a therapist twice a week and i apparently do not have as much control as i thought.

there are so many reasons and i will share them with you, but i don't want to become a burden, one of those people that drones on incessantly about all the bad things because there are plenty of good things too.

I want to be someone who writes heartwarming and funny posts.

but i want to be real too.

and so for once in my life: here is real me.

thanks for reading, and i will be back on baord because, damn, i have missed you!!!!!

ok, testing, am i private? i think i did it right....

2009-11-19T16:03:00.001-05:00

so this will be my mini test run, to see if i am truly private. i am not sure what you would incur to try and get here, but i did send inites to those that gave me their email address. but before i fill you on in on why i have been so MIA, i want to test if this is truly private.

so lovely gals, let me know:)

going private

2009-11-09T22:02:00.003-05:00

hello fabulous ladies:)

so i am gonna go private. i wish it didn't have to be that way, i enjoy being able to be myself on here and feel that many of you are dear friends to me despite having never met in real life. i follow you and cry with you and laugh with you and enjoy a peek into yourlives, as well as the sharing and caring and acceptance i have found here.
i want to be able to continue to be myself and share with you and tell you everything and be honest, but under such a public format it can become harmful to other areas of my life.
so, in order to go private and still enable those of you who desire to follow along, i need email addresses. once i go private, i can send an invite to you to read my blog and then you would log in.
if you are interested and you want to, please email me your email so i can invite you. if not, no hard feelings certainly, i understand, not everyone chooses to continue to read each blog they started out reading.
but for those of you who do, please email me as i intend to make this blog private by the end of the week.
email
lizlovey@hotmail.com

love to you all
jineen

yeah, i'm still here:)

2009-11-05T18:43:00.003-05:00

so i know, i have been such a slacker......
i have been keeping up with you all, love reading about your lives, hearing about the things going on with you:) just haven't been able to find the time to get on here and actually say anything.

so many things have been going on, tho i am hesitant to post it on here. the reason being someone at work was recently fired immediately for posting something about work on their facebook page. it was about a patient or anything, but they are really cracking down on that stuff and since this blog isn't private and though i don't have my address or last name on here, if you knew me, you would easily be abel to identify me fromt hsi page. so my question to you all is., do you know how i can make it provate? accesable by invite only, or somehow block people from reading unless i want them to? i love having you all and i want to keep you of course i just want to be selective about anyone else accessing it.....

bloggy friends i miss you:)

a little bit of nothing....

2009-10-24T08:17:00.003-04:00

i am really enjoying music lately. i mean i've always liked music, but i feel really at peace when i am listening to it, like i can think inside my own head. thankgoodness hubby doesn't seem to mind me walking around with earphones in constantly....

i was thinking back about my approach to school and how different it is now that i already have my career. i mean like when i went back to school for nursing dom was 7 months old and there was a certain cense of urgency, like ok i have to get it right the first time....graduate on time...

now i am so lazy about it. i mean i do the work, but getting my bacherlors won't mean anything different for me except that i can then get my masters. no pay difference, no status difference. those aren't really bad things its just that there isnt that urgency....

anyone else go back to school after you already had a degree? how was it for you?

my patient the other night football tackled me the moment i walked into the room, she was sitting on the edge of the bed and as soon as i got in there she got me.....we were like slow motion as she leaned all her weight on me...

and we went backwards.....

and i frantically waved my arms reaching for something-anything

and as we were going down she was like "oh jineen, i missed you..."

yeah, um me too, now get off me and get your ass back in bed.....

later that same night...but different patient:

um nurse...

yes?

do you guys keep anything for a snack around here?

sure, what do you want?

some strawberries and whipped cream

oh yeah? i'm not sure if we keep that kind of stuff.....

well what else am i gonna use to convince you to be my girlfriend?

ahhh, yes the joys of being a nurse:)

i am already tired of the cold....

2009-10-21T05:47:00.002-04:00

no i do not want some cheese to go with my whine, thankyou very much! i am jsut tired of the cold weather.

i realize the worst is yet to rear its ugly head and that 50 degrees maybe doesnt qualify as cold yet, but i am sick of it none the less. that added to the fact that i am generally so cheap and i live with two human heaters, that we don't turn on the heat until november. by bank account thanks me....

...my frozen hands do not.

i bought new clothes online for the little guy last week and they arrived yesterday. thankgod, cuz if i had to out one mroe pair of pants on him that only reached to his ankles and then pull up his ankle socks to cover the gap, i swear...

i am usually more prepared...blah blah blah, this year i'm not. well i wasn't. i am now:)
thinking of trying to sell the old clothes on craigs list. anyone ever done this before? they are in great condition and they are nice brands.....

so i have been using thisblog as therapy lately, and you all help so much. but i am wondering what are your thougths on an actual therapist? does anyone/has anyone ever been to one? pro
s/con's/thoughts on it?

be honest, i want to know.

i wish i had some fabulous story to tell, but i don't. i have been boring lately, mostly working. who isn't, right?

looking forward to halloween and trickor treating with my little guy:)

and this morning? well we are baking pumpkin face sugar cookies:)

out of the mouth of babes...

2009-10-16T04:39:00.002-04:00

So sadly, i am not that interesting and I fear that those of you who are brave enough to be my friend on facebook and my bloggy friend as well may have already read this...

But i still can't stop laughing...

so my husband and son don't co-habitate in beds well. They tend to both be squirmers and floppers. and snorers and well, just not fit to nap together.

However, on the occasion that they still choose to share a bed, it always causes something for me to laugh about for days to come.

Upon waking last weekend from their nap this was the conversation i overheard:

dad: "dom, you kicked me while we were sleeping"

son: "well, daddy, all i have to say to that is, do you have any proof? because if not, then it never happened"

i swear, bloggy friends, i couldn't make this up.

sometimes, god just gives you a good laugh because its what you need. just as relieving as a good cry can be, so can a laugh:)

my son will be elvis for halloween. How does a 7 yr old even know about elvis, let alone care enough to want to dress up like him?

well, it all started with lilo and stitch. if you've ever seen it, then you know alot of songs are the kings. then move onto daddy seeing how much you like said songs because you run around the house singing them, and daddy decides to get some old elvis movies and watch them together. throw in some microwave popcorn and it is the stuff 7 yr olds dream of, a movie night with daddy.

so then said 7 yr old begins to impersonate elvis, and actually sounds like him. through some conversation, it turns out elvis is the current hero, far superior to any old spiderman or transformer costume.

for a mere $69.99, your son can not only look like the king, but he can stand there in his white jumpuit, offer you some burnin' love and then inform you that he got old and fat and died on the toilet while taking a poop.

ok, maybe the costume costs money and the extra info came from daddy. either way, the people handing out the candy in our neighborhood are gonna get more than they bargained for this year.

thankyou all for the much needed advice on the big things going on for me, i hate sounding whiney on here, my life is far from miserable, and i don't want this blog to turn into a place where i say woe is me all the time. come to think of it, i never want to say woe is me, but anyway...

sometimes i have to get it out, so thankyou for being there and coming back when i do have diarrhea of the mouth:)

a lot of thinking and alot of headaches

2009-10-14T22:53:00.002-04:00

so, we went camping this weekend and it was so wonderful to get outside, away and be with my two favorite guys. It was exactly what i needed and miraculously the headaches stopped. It was beautiful and restful:)

then i came home and literally on the drive back i began to get a headache. I guess it is telling me that it has to do with work. if you read me, you may knwo that i have been having troubles at work lately and it is making me so upset and anxious it is all i can do to force myself to go.

That sucks big time since i love what i do. So my question for you all today is this: have any of you ever made a big move? job wise, house wise or whatever?

the reason i ask is because the facility i work at is pretty much the only option in the state. i amnot exaggerating:) so since we have weighed and measured the options and thought about what is actually holding us here, there isn't much except for this job. We have long thought we migth not stay here forever, and i guess i am thinking that maybe now is the time to move.

Of course except for the economy and whatnot. there are alot of htings to think about and i really am at a loss for what to do. the only things i know for sure are that work is not going to get better or change, and i am miserable there.

other than that, school is going well the first block class is finished as of one hour ago and so i am on my way:)

please be honest with your thoughts and input, i need as much advice as i can get:)

love ya

fashion post for saturday

2009-10-10T00:19:00.000-04:00

alright so here we are, its saturday already and i swear i am losing time like old men lose hair.

so boots and jeans....

some of you weighed in with your thoughts, and armed with that i faced the week. I tried nearly every day to incorporate boots into my wardrobe, but i guess i just couldn't bring myself to step out the door with the pants tucked in. it may have helped if all my jeans weren't boot cut.

it also may have helped if i didn't have this fear of looking like i was ten times larger in the hips. when you are big already tucking pants into boots may cause an "oompa loompa like" image.

so, uggs would be my first choice to tuck. or black boots. both of which i own. in fact they are the only boots i own. but the black boots make my feet look pretty smal which only makes the contrast between them and my hips even worse. like maybe if you looked at me you might jsut wonder how i balance myself and stay upright. so i am left with the uggs.

so this week with boots over pants, was fun to learn that i enjoy watching other girls pull it off and i can't manage to get myself out with that style.

whats a girl to do?

so this week, i will broach the subject of the scarf. i own several now ever since i saw bigmama's scarf video last year, but i have only ventured out once with it. i actually liked it, and only felt a little self conscious...

so this week i am gonna try it a couple times. that is of course after we go camping:)
yup we are heading out to the wilds of .... well the wild. and we are gonna sleep and eat and...
well we are gonna do everything out there. we love camping and didnt get to go last year, so we are gonna make up for it this year, and i can't wait. only one night of work to make it thru and then we are off.
and now i am off to go shopping fo rhte supplies that we need, yes it is 12:30 am and we are shopping, what can i say...

i will leave you with this tidbit, today my son and i were having a mult-round challenge of candy land. he challenges me to a rematch any time i win because he really wants to end our games by winning the last game. so i was ahead of him for once and i was laughing and he looks up at me all serious and says " i wouldn't get too cocky mommy, you never know whats gonna happen in candy land."

was that a threat?

oh my goodness, if i don't pull out my hair or murder some innocent person, i may make it thru the day....

2009-10-08T23:21:00.003-04:00

i am sorry bloggy bestest:( i have spent the better part of today being pissed.

okay, okay. maybe the better part of this week.

geez! kill me already, most of the last month or so.

work sucks. i am angry every day about it. just when i think it will let up, it sucks some more.

my wonderful hubby has listened to me bitch constantly about the injustices of the world for many days. I am so thankful for him. I am feeling like i have to be very careful on here right now, because god forbid someone from work finds this blog.....

i have enjoyed reading all of your blogs, laughing and forgetting for a moment my own troubles. and mr. jack daniels and i have become better aquainted.

i have started the post for my first fashion saturday thingy, about the boots and the pants.

oh yeah and then i realized i am not having the worst week ever.

one of my patients had some, uh...very swollen man parts. not the frank the beans. and then they burst. literally.

so, i guess it isn't so bad afterall........

i don't like flowers and dopey that much...

2009-10-03T18:12:00.000-04:00

why is it that in mostly every store, the clothes for "plus sized" women have no shape and some kind of big ass flower or disney character on it? and why is a size 12 now considered plus size?

I went shopping yesterday for some business clothes. i have been going to some meetings for my job and there are two choices, business dress or scrubs. ok, i get it, no jeans and flips flops right? which is totally my thing. but, one does tend to feel alittle bit like an ass when you are the only one wearing scrubs. so, since these meetings aren't just gonna disappear, i guess i needed at least 2 pairs of dress "slacks" as my grandmother used to call them, and a few tops. now don't get me wrong, i wish i had some kind of fashion sense.

like those ~~hookers~~ fabulous girls who can throw together a look mixed up with trends and involving boots and scarf. i can see it in my head, and i try, i really do. the problem is when i see it in my head and then in the mirror, it never looks the same.

so i went to my favorite store these days, jc pennys. and can you believe it, i actually found pants that fit! and they weren't even teh same kind just in different colors! they were different kinds one in charcoal and one in black. the pants gods must have smiling down on me.

maybe it has to do with the fact that all my child hood shopping was at kmart and goodwill. or maybe the fact that once i moved on as an adult, my shopping places were old navy and walmart.
not that there is anythign wrong with those places, i guess its just kinda that as i expand my need for clothes and fabulous boots and attempt to throw myself together in a more mature fashion, they aren't gonna cut it anymore.

which brings me to jeans. i actually found a pair yesterday that fit! they looked good, fit good and were on sale. which meant i still paid about 50 bucks for them. but honestly, when thrown nest to 20 walmart jeans, it was obvious that there were worth the extra money.

now i sound snotty, and i don't mean to, i guess what had happened is this, since i am overweight, (maybe alittle less now than before) i never bothered to think i coudl still look nice. i jsut wore tshirts and jeans and went with it.
what i am finally figuring out is that i can look better even with the rolls. oh my god, did i jsut say that? so i am on a mission and you girls can join if you want. getting ever closer to thirty, i am determined that this will be my defining fashion era. i WILL look better, i WILL spend more on clothes and i WILL try new things.

boots over top of jeans? i am nervous but i want to so so so bad. any tips you have for this venture? i love shoes and heels and have a small collection that i have yet to put to good use out of fear of looking fatter.
so help me step out of my closet and into the fashion world! another blog you may know does fashion friday and though i am addicted to it and read it multiple times throughout the week, she takes questions and gives answers. i would rather do kind of like lets pick a weekly topic, you leave advice in the comments and then i will post it all together every saturday. are you in? i am gonna assume you are and claim the first topic to be the boots and jeans thing. any kind, any advice! let me have it!

and avoid all things characters and large neon flowers in clothes, that i am sure is sound fashion advice!

oh i knew so much when i was little

2009-09-30T11:04:00.000-04:00

So, i am alive. i survived the diet and i have lived to tell about it. I lost 10 pounds and one week later have gained back three. i guess i expected it, water weight and all, so i am happy. except it was an entire wasted week spent praying for the end of the day, each and every day. now i am eating healthier though, which isn't a bad outcome....

so anyway, i have been consumed with school, and i guess that isn't getting any better, maybe i better get used to it....

and i had a big meeting with the boss, one on one today. I feel like i was honest, and he was honest. so ok. i still have a job, and i am gonna hang in there for now...

and i am getting a nicotine patch tonight. yes ladies, i want to quit smoking and i guess there is no better time. so from diet to no cigarettes i am a glutton for punishment. and by the way, if i ever talk about doing that diet again, remind me for the love of god...

DON'T DO IT JINEEN!

so, aside from all that boringness, have you ever opened your mouth, onlyl to find your foot firmly lodged in it?
there have been many times when my big fat mouth got me into trouble as a child. oh how i wish i still had that abillity to say whatever i wanted to whenever i needed to.

my birthday is may28th. it often falls somewhere on the memorial day weekend. so it is the unofficial start of summer. i have always know this.

pools open, people start going on vacation. it used to be that school was nearing an end, i guess not so much anymore, but used to be.

so like i said, i always knew my birthday represented the unofficial start of summer.

emphasis on the unofficial. which my mom kinda forgot to mention.

so i was playing with some other little girls from the apartment complex. all nice like on the front steps, back when you could go outside and play at the age of 6 and not worry about getting stolen by some pervert. your mom would call your name every now and then and as long as you answered you were good.

so anyway, some how we got to talking about the impending arrival of summer and this girl who was a year or two older than me said summer starts june 21st.

i was aghast. um, no dumbass it starts may 28th.

she informed me of my error and let me know in fact it started june21st.

i started yelling at her.

"no! my mom told me summer starts at my birthday and my birthday is may 28th!"

"no jineen, your birthday is a whole month before summer! you DO NOT have a summer birthday so hah!"

i burst into tears and ran into the house to seek assurance from my mother that i was in fact right, as usual.

guess what?

my birthday is that unofficial start of summer.

real summer starts june 21st.

please educate your may babies.

ugh

2009-09-21T05:33:00.002-04:00

if i had a million dollars, i would say no thankyou. just a cheeseburger form the mcdonalds dollar menu please.

oh for the love of all things greasy, salty, tasty, yummy....well you get the idea.

i am at the end of day four and after eating three rather large bananas, if i ever see one again i am going to squish it into nonexistance in my fist.

i have drunk 4 glasses of fat free organic milk. loved that part.

i have had water and plain old non sweetened tea.

and now i want to go to bed and never think about it again.

i guess the whole point is to shrink my stomach and learn better portion control. oh yeah and clean myself out. which i have done.

four times over.

no weigh in tonight. i am home and would rather wait to use the same scale in the gym at work.

and i am doing homework. ugh.

starting school and a diet so close together, what a genius.

only 3 days left.

thank God.

help...can't...move.....

2009-09-19T20:26:00.002-04:00

ok, maybe i am exaggerating....slightly.

so i am right in the middle of day three of this oh so fabulous new way to torture myself. yesterday was all veggie day. i woke up pissy. not literally or anything, but just irritated. i am sure it had to do with eating all fruits the day before and then hitting the gym in the morning.

So i woke up mad. and i got more and more irritated. i had to come into work and when i got here things were not as they should be, i tried to fix it and was cut short. which just made me cry. because lets face it when you are tired and hungry and not having your way, you cry. well at least i do anyway.

so by the time i got to work i was shaking and i knew my sugar had to be pretty low. on this diet you are allowed one small glass of juice, which i was saving, however i drank it and took some tylenol. after about an hour i perked up, much to the relief of my co-workers. and probably y patients.

i weighed in at 216.8 lbs, so that made me happy.

i ate carrots and broccoli and drank water. i was so busy at work i didn't even have time to eat at work. so i missed my beautiful baked potato. i made myself go to the gym and work it out, which i felt satisfied. then when i got home, it was pure
HEAVEN!

i ate my potato which was probably one of the best things ever consumed by me:) it was creamy and fabulous. i went to bed full and happy.

i woke up tonight and felt ok, no shakiness, which is good because there is no fruit juice as an option. i am raring to go knowing that the worst three days are almost over.

2 last things to mention:

i haven't crapped yet, which i find alittle odd, however since i am burning off more than i am taking in i guess i'm not worried yet,

and i weighed in tonight at: 214.1

i know, i know, mostly water weight, but hey, i'm not complainin"

if i can only make it through tonight, i am in the home stretch:)

i am alive, sort of....

2009-09-18T09:55:00.002-04:00

ok, maybe i am being a bit dramatic, but i am allowed, i think i have consumed maybe 400-500 calories today and ran 2.5 miles at the gym, did 1 hours of school with the little guy and worked a 12 hour shift.

i am so dead tired, as soon as i finish this, i am going to dive into my bed and love my pillow like no one's business.

day one of the diet is done, all fruits, water, oh so yummy cabbage soup ( in that bland, barely tasting, will i be able to digest this? kind of yummy way)

6 more to go.

i weighed in at 218.5 pounds.

those are the facts and i wish i had more enoergy to put something funny in there, but i'm pooped.

speaking of which, i did let one of my favorite co-workers know, in advance fo rher sake, that this cabbage soup thing may not be so pleasant for her either come tonight when i really do start to digest.

at least i can take some joy out of the fact that instead of the patients being the stinky ones, it may just be me:)

why am i so sick and twisted?

oh, yeah, because i want a stromboli:)

keep your fingers crossed for me, tonight will start all veggies, soup and one baked potato, which i will try and save until 4 or 5 am (which is towards the end of my day) instead of scarfing it down while i am still taking my morning pee:)

i think i can, i think i can......

i'm sure you've heard of this one....

2009-09-17T02:59:00.002-04:00

so in a few short hours the torture will begin, ladies and let me tell you it is all i can think about.

isn't that a fun way to start a post?

so i am doing this cleanse diet thing. i hate diets, and well really anything that limits my intake of food. of course since hubby and i got serious about healthy eating last november, i have been more careful about what i put in my body, i still love food.

but i need a metabolism jump start. i have hit a plateau, and after injuring my toe and knee, i am back in the gym and loving it. but, i also had vacation where i ate out a ton, and now i just feel.....icky.

so this diet i did when i was a teen in my quest to see the outlines of my organs through my belly, has resurfaced. of course now i am searching for the outline of my waist, not liver.

it is 7 days long, and tho i refuse to be stuck on a diet, but would rather change my eating habits all together, this "cleanse" while super hard, has been successful for me before. it is hard to finish, and i am thankful none of you will be within this state while i am doing it, because, well lets face it... i won't be pleasant.

i tried everything i could to cut down on the chances of a total melt down. i won't be pms-ing, and i will be working 5 out of the 7 nights. i think hubby summed it up perfectly when he said "oh thank god, for me, not your patients at work."

so babble, babble, babble....here it is

day one: all fruits as much as you want and cabbage soup (no banana's)

day two: all veggies, as much as you want and cabbage soup. (no beans, peas or corn) one med. baked potato with butter, no salt

day three: fruits and veggies and cabbage soup (no potato, banana's, peas, beans or corn)

day four: up to 8 banana's and 8 eight oz glasses of skim milk and....you guessed it cabbage soup

day five: up to 20 oz of ground beef and 6 tomatoes, cabbage soup

day six: up to 20 oz of ground beef and veggies (same no-no's as before) and cabbage soup and oh thank god, fruit juice-unsweetened

day seven: (if you are still alive) rice, fruits and veggies

the cabbage soup is homemade, there is a recipe.

so maybe you've heard of it, or even tried it. if you have, you know what i am in for. online it mentions one thing that deterred people was the amountof flatulence that occurs because of all the fiber. ha! can't wait!

so i am gonna try and blog about it, because i know you are just dying to know about my cleanse, and my farts.

i apologize in advance for anything i type that is less the pleasant. please excuse me fo rthe next 7 days as i try to rejuvenate my colon:)

abstract thinker....

2009-09-15T19:26:00.002-04:00

so maybe you know, or maybe not, but i homeschool my son. he is in second grade this year and i choose to keep him home for many reasons. i am not a fanatic or anything, i just think that for elementary school and for this particular kid, it is the right choice. and i dooo have some education in, well.... education.

so anyway we are in week 2 and i always start out the year much more disciplined and end up slacking off a bit towards the end. not terribly, but i tend to not be as strict, because honestly, after about 160 days of school i am tired too!

but this year seems to be more fun, his brain i swear has grown and his ability to process and spit back out info is amazing to me.

i am sure many children are like this, but since i am teaching jsut the one, i am gonna pretend like he is the smartest, bestest second grader ever.

anyway....
so we are doing school work today, math, trying to review from last year and jump into the harder stuff, and seeing as how we were just on mini-vacation it makes it that much harder. but i had a choice... do my own homework, or make the kid do his work.

being mom of the year that i am, i chose to sacrifice and make him do his.

so anyway, he was getting to the end and i always like to end with something alittle easier than the beginning that way he is tired, but feeling like he accimplished something and he'll be excited next time...

so the last thing is to do some addition and color the spaces according to the answer. so he wa moving along nicely. once he began to figure out that the picture was going to be a bird, he stopped coloring and looked up at me and said" mommy, this looks like it is going to be a bird."

and i agreed.

" mommy? do you think this bird is happy?"

it kinda shocked me for a second. like of all the things he could ask, he wanted to know if the bird was happy. was it enough for this bird to sit on the page being colored by a child and be happy for its life.

he is full of statements liek that giving feeling and life to things that are inanimate. or bringing up some question about how someone or something feels, when it never would have occurred to me.

now i consider myself pretty empathetic and caring, and in the profession i am in, i think it is a good thing. but this kid blows me away.

i always wondered if parents could see one type or another of a certain, i don't know, "specialty" for lack of a better word, in their children. like an affinity for math, or painting, or whatever. and of you could see it, would you foster it?

like ok, everyone has to know spelling and reading and math,but if your child, like mine, has such an artistic, abstract side to them, would you encourage them to develop it? like painting classes, art classes, mucis classes to try and find their niche?

i don't feel that i really had this. my dad loved football and raised my brother to love it as well. he played on childrens leagues and whatnot, and of course in highschool but then when it was over, he was so deflated. and he had always measured his self worth and my fathers love for him in his ability to perform at football. once it was done.......

i don't really feel like i was necessarily stunted, but not really encouraged to be more than the norm. like i was always good at school and so my parents always pushed me to achieve more academically, but i feel that their is so much more. but i don't know where to start... liek i feel much more artistic and able to do much more.

so my whole point is this, how should i proceed. i want to encourage him to grow and explore and learn so much more than reading, writing and arithmatic. any stories/advice fromm you all? about yourselves or kids of you have them?

a little of this and a little of that.....

2009-09-13T18:44:00.003-04:00

so we are away, again. i say that for your benefit,as if you may be jealous that we seem to have an overflow of outings this year. i certainly don't mind...

we have been fortunate to get away, and with 2 more years of school pretty much year round, there won'tbe much escaping from here on out....unless, well i may be able to squeeze something in here or there....

anyway, i spent today sitting comfy next to this guy.......

while this guy.......

ran around......

digging in the sand and.......

collecting priceless rocks...

tonight two things happened. at very opposite ends of the spectrum. we went out to dinner at one of our favorite spots to eat when we are here. they treat us well, the food is always excellent and our little guy loves it! he is a sweet kid, and tho i know you are thinking i am biased, i have to tell you, if you met him, i am sure he would charm you as well:) he is sweet and mild mannered and everything a kid should be. his smile lights up a room and his antics are hilarious.

ahem....

back to my story...

i very much enjoy hanging out with my kid. except when he is whining, or being annoying, or getting o my nerves, or whatever. mostly i love being around him. we are goofy together and i love hearing the things he comes up with....such as this.....

so we are in the middle of dinner, enjoying eachother and our food immensely. and my son turns to me and the following comes out of his mouth:

"i wish you could just make a concert mommy, and then move on. "

me: um, ok.....

"well what you're talking about is a one hit wonder."

me: what's that?

"well, it's when you have a concert about any kind of song, then after the concert the singer has a big diva tantrum. and before you know it, the song ends up as elevator music. then they have a reunion concert and after that? they never sing again, and no one remembers them!"

my son, the musical genius:) which leads me to the other part of our meal.

right before our entree's arrived, a family sat at the table next to us. a mom, dad, approx 5 year old and a newborn. the dad immediately began asking about $0.35 wings and beer specials. the mom began staring over at our table, mroe specifically, at me. she wasn't even hiding it. i am sure i don't know her because i am one of those people who recognizes people from kindergarten.

anyway, i figure maybe she is looking at our food that has just arrived and is trying to see what it looks like.

meanwhile, my son and i are mildly dancing to the music, in our seats. just kinda bobbing our heads. their 5 yr old is cracking up at us. she continues with those bizarre stares, only now i detect that she is, i don't know, disgusted by us? like, she looks like she thinks we are being obnoxious. only i swear we aren't being loud, or knocking things over, or anything. just laughing to ourselves.

for our drink, since neither of us was driving, we ordered a pitcher of margherita's, which between hubby and i usually means 2 for me and 3 for him. in a smaller size glass. with a big meal. you get the point, i was by no means drunk, or really even intoxicated since i was only about 1 glass in.

(quick background here, i have an uncanny ability to imitate many people, including real life and cartoon charatacters)

so i sneezed 3 times in a row and for the fourth one, i thought i would crack my kid up and sneeze like donald duck. it worked and he was laughing, hysterically. albeit, covering his mouth and cracking up. because he has manners. and he knows not to stare and disrupt others.

well, the ~~ugly, skanky, bitch~~ young lady with 2 children next to me thought i was past my limit and let her husband know, not so quietly, that i was drunk. that i should stop drinking. and she continued to stare at me even more blatantly and longer looking like she was sure i was drunk and a terrible mother.

and, tho she doesn't know this part, i can read lips. why? well thats another story, but i can. and she proceeded to talk about me with her husband who wished he was at hooters. probably for more than just the $0.35 wings and draft beer specials.

anyway, i wasn't drunk and maybe that's why it bothers me so much. i would never be drunk in front of my kid. i jsut enjoy making him laugh. and being goofy with him. i lvoe my family and am not ashamed if everyone else can tell.

she really hurt my feelings, more over i felt like i had to be quiet and not drink anymore just to prove to some ~~loose vagina, too-tight tanktop, redneck judemental~~ young lady that i wasn't drunk, just naturally a fun mommy.

i wanted to stare back at her, or do something passize aggressive, like talk about HER while we were still within ear shot.

but i didn't. because i have manners. i guess we got the last laugh tho, the guy that runs the place is pretty fammiliar with us at this point and so on our way out, her grabs my little guys hand and asks us to hang on. he runs next door to the gift shop and out comes my little man with his own t-shirt bearing the restaurant logo. a present for the sweetest little kid around, all within eyeshot of the ~~rudest, fat whore mother~~ young lady with the staring problem.

and my kid had the biggest smile:)

me too:)

we can't get enough of this place.....

2009-09-13T11:20:00.006-04:00

early on saturday, we set out on an adventure........

we walked shoes in hand.....
through sand and surf.....

we found treasures.......

and a helping hand........

the view was breathtaking......

and we loved being together.....

while the waves crashed all around.....

i love family time.....

the one in which she rants and raves (this is long, i'm not gonna lie)

2009-09-05T23:48:00.002-04:00

so one of my very near and dear friends is getting married in may 2010. she is beyond excited, as am i :) i have never been in a wedding nor have i been asked to help plan one, and here i am with both of those honors for a woman who is truly beautiful inside and out.

today we had an appointment to look at bridesmaids dresses, we made the appointment because there are 7 of us not including the bride and we wanted some individual attention, all shapes and sizes are we. the bride was very liberal in saying she wants a specific color and length but the style is completely up to each of us.

so we get to said place exactly on time and are shown to our consultant.

who shows us half a rack length of dresses that are the length we want and then stands there while we root through. we inquire as to alterations, sizing, etc. and "she doesn't know, she'll have to loook it up" is the answer to every question. we then decide on a few dresses each and request the dressing room. she tells us we will have to double up because there are alot of people in the store and she can't spare more than 2 dressing rooms.

umm.....ok isn't that why we made an appointment? don't we have some precedence over walkins? guess not. so we start trying on only to discover that she was wrong, the sizes do run small. exactly 2 sizes too small for each person. maybe the 7 of us were the only ones in the world that didn't know our sizes.

so she goes and gets us the correct sizes and meanwhile we are milling about in front of our dressing rooms (just the 2) and people are everywhere!

so she comes back and we get the right sizes on and start appraising eachother and turn around to ask her opinion and again inquire about length and alterations and she is with another group. giving them her full attention. add insult to injury and another consultant walks by and says "suck itin ladies there are other people here." um, i'm sorry are we in your way? are we taking up too much room in our two meager dressing rooms while we wait for our double booked consultant?

we decide that they haven't done anything to deserve our business and we have other appointments to try. so we walk to the front to speak with the manager. we inform her of the things going on and tell her at 200 bucks per dress we expected a little more attentiveness.

she lets us know they are always this busy on weekends and for a group as large as ours we should have booked an appointment during the week. she adds to that it would have been a better idea to make the appointment for a "bridal party" instead of "the bridesmaids" because then they would have know we wanted individualized attention.

wtf?

so ok. we go outside and collect ourselves. lets get lunch.

we go to a restaurant between the place we were just at and the next place. we get there at 1:15pm. we are seated and our waiter says hello and leaves. then 5-6 mins later he comes back and takes our drink order. 10 mins later he comes backwith our waters and cosmos and various other drinks. then he leaves. 15 mins later he comes back and takes our appetizer order. i decide in favor of my diet i will skip the appetizer and go with the regular meal, so i order nothing. everyone else gets appetizers. it's now 1:45pm

our appetizers come out about 10 mins later. everyone digs in and i sip my drink feeling so smug for sticking to my diet. (ha!) one girl ordered mini crab cakes and found a flying bug in her tarter sauce. she asked for the manager and the manager (after running back to the kitchen for less than 2 mins) announces that there are no bugs in the kitchen and the bug must have come from the dining area. no sorry, the girl requests them to take it back and replace it which they do.

we site there about 10 more mins and finally it is 2:10pm and he comes and takes our order for our meals. we are starting to feel like um, ok is this taking an abnormally long time? whatever, i'm starving.....

so now it's 2:30 pm and our food isn't here yet. we have to be 30 mins up the road by 4pm and still no food.

so now it's 2:45 pm and the manager comes out with a tray, but we wave her down and let her know we would like our check, forget the entrees, people who came after us have come and gone, we need to leave. she says 'but i have your fish tacos...."

we tell her no thankyou, send it back.

she stomps off without a word.

the kitchen manager comes out and apologizes. he hears our complaint and then tears up our bill and says the whole thing is on him today and please don't hold it against the restaurant.

we leave.

i can't believe we went through all that, and i ate nothing. i was starving! but more than that, why is it that customer service apparently isn't really service at all anymore. the guy didn't have to comp our whole bill, we would have paid for what we ate, but at least someone seemed concerned with pleasing us.

ao anyway very long story a wee bit shorter, the next place had nothing for us either, tho their service was great. then one last place which is actually another location for the first one and jackpot! so alls well that ends well, but my goodness!

so, any horrible customer service stories of your own?

hair cuts, you ate what?

2009-09-03T17:25:00.004-04:00

so i don't really have too much interesting to say. i wish i did. i swear all throughout the day things will happen and i'll think, oh i have to blog about that, but when i actually grab 5 mins to sit down, i can't remember a single thing. so instead i am choosing to write about random things that have popped into my blank little head.

i apologize in advance....

my son has been getting his hair cut by the same girl since he was one. she is a miracle worker as he has some VERY STRANGE cowlicks. 2 in the front and all the hair on the entire left side of his head grows from his ear forward. i can't get into my theories on why right now, but i promise i didn't drink or smoke when i was pregnant. much.

just kidding.

sort of.

no really, i didn't. i abstained completely.

so anyway, she cuts his hair every 8 weeks for 10 bucks. it doesn't get much better than that. i wish my own mother had seen the benefit of a hair dresser. however, she saw the benefit of a free hair cut.

at home.

with kitchen scissors.

over the sink.

all my childhood i dreamed of long hair, beautiful and shiny, cascading down my back.

all my childhood i had a choppy short hair cut. at least she added layers.

if by layers i mean an angle starting at my ear and unevenly angling down to a point just below my shoulders. with bangs.

sort of.

don't worry i got her back though.

i refused to brush my hair from age 9 to 13. with all those tangles no one could even tell how uneven my hair was.

or that kitchen shears were involved.

when my husband and i got married we had a dog. a german rottweiler named zoey. she was the runt of the litter, but by the time she was 6 montsh you never would have known. she was a sweet heart and easy to live with. we adored her, our first child and loved to spend time with her.

she was easy to house train. as a puppy, her owners trained her to poop on a cement pad, which i guess made it easy for clean up after so many dogs. so.... by the time we got her at 3 months, she wouldn't poop anywhere else. we would walk in the park and she would run to the side walk to poop.

we loved everything about her.

the only thing that ever went wrong was shortly after we got married, my underwear started disappearing.

literally, i was dwindling down to such a bare minimum of pairs that i began to wonder if my husband was stealing them.

and wearing them.

just kidding.

again.

so anyway, it finally became apparent that someone was responsible for the missing crotch covers. someone or.....

something....

one day we left and had to turn right around and come home to get something or other and we solved the mystery.

the dog was using her mouth to open my middle top drawer and take out a pair of underwear, which she then chewed to pieces and ate. then she jumped up on my side of the bed and laid ther contented.

seems she had been responsible all along as her various piles of doggy doo contained brightly colored strands of fabric.

ew.

we had to start closing the door.

so now you know two things about me that you never knew before.

i had home haircuts and a panty eating dog.

don't you feel fulfilled?

oh girlies i have missed you so:)

2009-09-02T06:16:00.003-04:00

so i am not even gonna lie, i haven't yet been able to catch up on everyones blogs:( i have been reading and reading but i'm not even half way there. and i start school tonight, so i figured to hell with it, i love you all and i am gonna read but i have to post, it's now or never. or at least another week.

my fingers have been itching for this moment, and finally the time has come. not that i had something spectacular to share, i just miss sharing.

vacation was fabulous and i felt so rested after that i had a well thought out plan to win the lottery so that i could be on vacation forever. i knew the powerball was climbing and there was even a 7-11 on the way to work. i grabbed my 3 bucks and marched in, dollar signs in my eyes. bought my tickets and tucked them safely in my pocket.

all night i dreamed of sunfilled days spent lounging about while my private chef created sumptuous meals that were both yummy AND healthy. my little guy would have private tutors instead of homeschooling mommy and daddy, and a personal trainer who really could work miracles with this belly.

needless to say, when i didn't even get one number.......

i quit my gambling habit and went back to work.

and worked

and worked

and worked.

i also slept and ate. ohyeah and dragged myself back to guinevere, who did not let me get by without a severe lashing for staying away so long. i tried to tell her about the broken toe, but she isn't capable of sympathy.

my son asked me did i have any goodluck charms to help me with the lottery and i said no...and he said well what is goodluck anyway? i explained and he then let me know that i had several options to choose from...

" well mommy, pennies, horse shoes, 4 leaf clovers, ladybugs, a lucky rabbits foot or dice could help."

uh, dice?

"yeah, so you can roll snake eyes."

his knowledge of canada and luck are impressive.

now i want to get personal.

i want to talk about something that maybe some or many of you may relate to in some way or another.

facial hair. how much do you have? how do you get rid of it and how often? tell me, please. i have only in the past few years felt like i had more than when i was a teen and after a nasty chemical burn on my chin from nair that left me looking like i was beat by my husband, i am searching for ways, costs, at home vs. professional, help!

and so ladies i am gonna catch up on you all some more......

jineen

since you've been gone.....

2009-08-21T09:05:00.000-04:00

ok since i've been gone......

well what had happened was...... 2 weeks before we left to go on vacation, the computer stopped working. i dont mean it was slow, i don't mean we couldn't get it to do what we wanted i mean

IT WOULDN'T EVEN TURN ON!

how can this happen to a computer less than a year old? who knows. My husband took it to best buy and that warranty that they convinced us we needed for 200 extra bucks? well it turned out to be pretty worth it because the entire mother board was FRIED! now, i don't really know what that means, but from the look on the face of the geek squad guy, it was pretty serious.

They expected us to get it back the day before we left and i was pretty happy about that. Sadly until that time i wouldn't be able to let you know i was still here as i had no access to a computer. even more sad was the fact that it took even longer to fix and we just got it back 2 days ago when we got home from the beach.

i truly appreciate everyone missing me and thining of me and i am super sorry that i couldn't let you know what happened.....

but i am back, rested and i still get to keep the 800 dollars it would have cost to fix the computer because that stinkin warranty was all inclusive. things never happen that way for me...

so now i have worked two 12 hour shifts and i have two more to go. But i figured i better show my face sooner rather than later. or at least show my typing. you know what i meant.

so i think i will spend the next few days catching up on how you all have been doing and just to make it easier, i will post comments on whatever your most recent most happens to be from all the ones i missed. then i can fill you in on me.

age before beauty:)

i will say vacation was fabulous and i am rockin a freakin awesome tan:)

love to you all and thanks for missing me, i sure missed you!

i'm sorry ladies but i'm not eating rainbows and pooping butterflies today...

2009-07-21T13:21:00.003-04:00

.....ok, well to be perfectly honest, i never do that, but my husband says something along those lines about well, i don't know, but when he says it, his tone is sarcastic. so anyway, my point is that i am not happy today. well that's not true. i am happy but there is something alittle unpleasant brewin' round here and yours truly is smack dab in the middle.

all i can say is i choose to be honest no matter what.

some serious sh*t is going on at work and some higher ups are getting their just dessert, and sadly someone, not naming names, is the one with some of the evidence. in a way it makes me look bad because i repeated some things that were told to me. why did i repeat them? well they were concerning my very dearest friends and they weren't true. i tried to tell the person it wasn't true. they weren't believin it. if that was all, i wouldn't have cared.

i am sure you can guess it wasn't all.

it led to issues being raised and some heavy duty slander going on. i cannot stand by and watch that happen. so, i took further action.

now i look like the bad guy to some higher ups, and i had to reveal a somewhat friend for what she is. i feel lousy about that, buthonestly it is me or her. and i have no doubt in my mind she will protect herself and so i am doing the same. plus i value honesty and i can't live with myself if i tell a lie.

so now you may be thinking i am cut throat. its ok, a part of me hangs my head in shame at the thought of giving someone else up to save myself. but it isn't just myself, it is 5-6 other people. and this person is a close aquaintance. not a close friend.

now i am really sounding jumbled, but the truth of the matter is, i fear that in some way one of themmay find this blog and i am not begging for trouble.....

so anyway, now i am off for 2 days and i intend to enjoy it to the fullest. i played moon aliens with my little guy, please do not ask me to explain the dynamics of this game, suffice it to say, we are on the moon and we are fighting aliens and cops. there is a hospital that we must protect and we each have a weapon. for some reason we fight eachother with these weapons. want to know who wins?

well my son/co-alien-fighter has the hose as his weapon (with a spray nozzle attached) .....

i have a bubble gun.

we also at some point drew circles on the walkway with sidewalk chalk and those were the CIRCLES of FIRE, which incidently, were not mentioned or used thereafter in the "game".

i quite enjoy this game outside as i am getting a nice golden tan and also spending time with the midget that resides in my home. sometimes this pidget gives me lots of hugs and tells me he loves me.

some times he shits in my bed (in a pull up) and i am forced to wash the sheets to get rid of the smell. NOTHING EVEN LEAKED FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

i would like to tell you one more thing before i let you run away from this babbling...

my son has an imaginary friend. he feels it is necessary to keep this friend since he doesn't have a brother or sister. his friends name is one. the friend has a wife named ten. together they have a son and a daughter. the son's name is two and i forget the daughters name. one comes with us on trips to florida, camping and the beach. usually his wife and children do not join us. this summer however, i am curious what will happen when we leave for vacation in less than 3 weeks because one is spending the summer in china.

what does an imaginary friend do in china, all alone and without his family?

well, he eats chinese food and plays rock paper scissors of course.

i wish i still had my imagination.

ahhh, i love summer...

2009-07-17T19:06:00.004-04:00

it's true, summe ris my most favorite time of the year, though i truly love all the season. i love the smell of summer, the feel of the hot sun, the tan on my skin, eating frozen popsicles out side....

i just love summer.......

lately ladies, i am having a hard time with confidence. i never really had a ton of it it to begin with and now i am jsut struggling. Sometimes i think well, ok i actually do think i am pretty good at.....fill in the blank.... but the problem for me is that i can't express it because what i others don't feel the same way? so maybe my problem isn't with confidence, maybe my problem is that i care about what others think a little too much....

i want people to like me, i always have been the people pleaser type. it makes me angry because it seems that no one else is bending over backwards the way i am .......

any advice? i have long been struggling with this, always worried about what others think, i want to just be me, and yet for some reason i guess because people don't expect that forthrightness from me they are doubly shocked when they get it.

whatever....

so this morning i knew the day might be rough when i woke up to the smell of shit. very stinky poo.

i had a strong sense this may be coming from the 7 year old laying asleep next to me, i was also strongly hoping it wasnt me and for some reason i had lost control of my anal sphincter in the night....

i guess i was pretty sleepy because i got up and peed and kept thinking, "geez, it really smells." i smelled my tanktop and i could smell it so strongly......

where did this mystery shit stink come from?

yup, it was that beautiful fruit of my loins making his own sweet perfume in his sleep. in my bed!

hubby and son decided to have a sleepover last night when i fell asleep on the couch in the middle of a phone conversation with my friend. yeah, i know i am so good at listening....

she was talking and i was tired, don't judge me, i am mother of the year, not friend....

anyway, they decided to leave me drooling and snoring on the couch while they got comfy on my pillow. at some time in the night i wandered back there, got into pajamas, took out my contacts and went to bed. i guess i didn't bother washing my face which just proves that buying that black pillow case was a smart idea because there was mascara and eyeliner ALL OVER my face.

well, apparently little guy has been having some serious constipation this week and daddy has adjusted his laxatives accordingly and now....

swamp ass 6 times today, beginning with this morning in my bed. thankgod he had a pullup on....

i haven't exercised in almost 2 weeks because of my toe, which hurts more now than when i first broke it! but i am determined to get back on track this week. looking for some new recipes to try as well....

i am looking for some good books to read and some peeps to join me in a book club. some of you expressed interest before,and that made me happy but now it has been a while and i am wondering are you still up? we can make it as little commitment and work as you want, if you are, please email me....dont' use my one set up for this blog though....use lizlovey@hotmail.com :)

i wish i had some earth shattering news to share, but alas, i live the life of a typical person and therefore have nothing fabulous to share, maybe i'll get that bikini wax this week so i can spice things up...

i am in a silly mood....

2009-07-10T19:44:00.003-04:00

i can't quite put my finger on why.....

maybe its because i got to spend another day in the sun with my little one, or maybe because i slept for 10 hours last night, or maybe because i know vacation will be here in less than a month....

i have to tell you one of my most favorite, enjoyable things in life is this scenario...

wake up in the morning, sunshine pouring through the white curtains(which i have) and i am snuggled in my white sheets and white down comforter with the air cold....

i get my little one breakfast and have a smoothie made from soymilk, frozen strawberries and banana....

i read my book while he watches cartoons...

then we go outside and play the day away in the hose, with bubbles and sidewalk chalk, eat popsicles, and just bask in the warmth of the sun...

then when we come in and get showered and the airconditioner is cold, and we have some lunch and then just cuddle on the couch and he tells me about his dreams and thoughts....

yup ladies it doesn't get any better than that:)

i am feeling particularly important today because i am thinking back to when i first started blogging and had no idea that there were so many other bloggers out there! that would follow and comment if you followed and commented on them too! and now i feel like i find a treasure when i log on here and see that someone took the time to read and comment on something i had to say. each and everyone of you is so important to me:)

i don't know if you ever sit around and think about your childhood but i do sometimes, and my husband was there for a lot of it so he totally gets how my family was. we never had much money, but my mom tried her hardest back then. i was telling my husband how umbro shorts were the thing to have for a while. all my friends had them and i wanted them so bad. i mean soooo bad! but we couldn't afford them. my dear sweet mother went to the kmart and got me ....

umbra's.

you know the kmart brand of the cool thing?

i hated them and refused to wear them. i would rather go without than wear something so obviously not right.

looking back, i feel kinda bad that my mom at least tried and i shunned her efforts, but seriously, what would the kids with the real umbro's have thought?

besides, i had all the jellies in every color, so i was cool anyway. remember jellies?

always the trendsetter back in the days of elementary school i started one trend that i am sure will go down in the history books as the best fashion statement a second grader can make....

each day of the week we had an "elective" class and by that i mean library, art, gym etc....
well this little genius decided that on gym day, just to make it easy to be both sporty and cute, i was going to wear one dress shoe and one sneaker. it was totally fabulous and didn't look at all silly. i could be playing 4 square one second and flirting with boys the next.....i wore matching socks, of course. all the girls soon picked up this fashion statement and pretty soon i was known throught the land.....

of course i had my embarrassing moments as well. when i was in kindergarten, at the end of the day the teacher would pick out a few kids to come to the front of the class. they would then get to do some exercise/show thing that consisted of pretending they were in a bubble. i have no idea what we were really doing, or if my teacher was high on crack, but whatever. the point is...you wanted to be one of those kids. finally, FINALLY it was my turn. and i was so cute that day in my white stockings and my dress, my homemade hair cut and of course one jellie and one sneaker. i raised my hand to be picked and she picked me! i had to pee really bad and asked if i could go before we started. she said no because there wasn't time.

so anyway, i get up there and i am totally doing my bubble thingy when all of the sudden i felt something warm. yup. i was freakin peeing. all down my leg. and with white stockings? i was so pissed. literally.

then there was the time in 1st grade and again in 4th when i pretended that my birthday was the day before the actual day because i didn't want to share it with this kid who had a wart on his chin. he had a really big head too and a buzz cut perpetually grown out alittle too much which, in my opinion only made his head look bigger and more bobble like. i also refused to give him a valentines day card because i thought he had a crush on me. turns out years later, he is gay. i totally have no problem with that. in fact had i known.....i might have been a bit more nice, maybe even shared our birthday.

and my biggest nemesis of all? the free lunch.

there were four of us. and my parents. if you aren't that good at math, 6 total.

we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment. then a 3 bedroom townhouse. we always had clothes.i am not trying to sound ungrateful. all my friends had packed lunches. but not me. i had free lunch. which means the government basically decided we fit into the poverty category and gave me a hot meal at lunch monday through friday. not unlike jail. except we had construction paper art on the walls, and we got to go home at the end of the day. anyway....

every day at lunch time my friends with their fabulous packed lunches would sit down and open their little treasure chests to reveal the delicious goodies within.....

one girl would have tomato soup in a thermos (it was still hot!) and a cheese sandwhich with friut snacks to boot, one would have yogurt with an icepack next to it (it was still cold!) and grapes and pretzels and a mini candy bar..... and they would all have money to get chocolate milk.

i had to walk through the line at school and get my cooled off, gray hamburger with no lettuce of even cheese, pile of "steamed garden fresh veggies" and fruit cup. these lunches cost 90 cents and with the extra 10 cents i could have gotten a chocolate milk. except since mine was already free, there was no change. then we had to go thru to the register and kids would hand over their dolalr, or give their name for the pre-paid list (their parents paid a month at a time) and then little free-lunch me. I tried to escape by calling out pre-paid and bee lining it for the other side of the room which actually worked for a few days until one ~~really mean old bitch~~ very nice old lady called me back and told me quite loudly in front of everyone that prepaid meant she had to cross me off a list and so since i had free lunch i couldnt be yelling pre-paid and running away......

needless to say i was mortified, but no one really noticed. or at least they had some manners and waited to get home and ask their mothers what in the heck a free lunch was.

years later, i remember talking to friends about it (not the same ones) and they mentioned how they wish they could have had the school lunch not a packed lunch and how a free lunch would have even been cooler....

so funny how for a kid it always seems greener.......

so anyway, it seems as if i was kinda mean at times when i was a kid.....but don't judge, after all i did grow up to be mother of the year, and i think that more than makes up for not sharing my birthday with the warty, chia pet kid.

i am as clumsy as ever....

2009-07-09T06:20:00.002-04:00

yes ladies it's true, i said it yesterday and i'll say it again, i broke my toe. the itty bitty little baby one. i was running like a nut to get out of the house and get to work on time and ran right into a weight machine. i am not sure why my spatial vision has failed me, but it did a long time ago and these little accidents are not really uncommon for me. yet actually breaking it.... thankfully i work at a hospital and a doctor friend there taped me up as good as new. sort of.

when it started to swell and cut off circulation i had to change the tape....then it turned all kinds of pretty black, purple and red and i gave up looking at it.

then something wonderful happened! i opened my front door and a brown box was sitting on my deck waiting for me. it was my candle from sarah and i was so excited i started to jump up and down until i felt the pain in my foot and remembered oh yeah, my toe. but i clapped my hands instead and grasped the box close to my chest and did not look at all like a terrorist when my husband found me sitting on the deck like that.

this was a hard week at work and tuesday night i was at my wits end! so i decided to lift everyone's spirits and make an iced coffe bar. now realizing the limits of both my coffee making abilities and also our break room at work i cleaned it up, brewed a pot of double strength coffe, set out big cups of ice, sugar, sweet and low and creamers all pretty like and then invited people to come on in a relax with an iced coffee.

so silly, i know and really not at all fancy, but everyone really seemed to perk up afterwards. i'm sure it had nothing to do with the double strength coffee coursing through their veins....

i am off work until monday night now and really looking forward to relaxing with my guys at home....soaking up some sun...dinner out tonight with my girlfriends....and not working! did i mention noto working. this always happens to me when it gets to be less than a month before vacation. i just keep thinking about being away and i guess i get a little crabbier about work....

so i have two things i want to dicuss and beg for your opnion/advice/comical stories about...

the first is bra shopping. a few years ago some genius decided it might be a good idea to give me a victorias secret credit card. and since then, they also decided that every couple of months they should increase the limit to entice me to buy more. it was really a veyr clever plan for them because back then i couldn't fit into anything they sold. guess they weren't prepared for me to lose some weight. the first big purchase i made was to buy my ugg boots after hearing how much cammie loved hers....
then as i lost some weight i started to buy some underwear, then i bought a bra.

well ladies, that was the beginning of the end. it was the best bra i ever bought. it loved my girls the way no other bra ever has. so recently i bought a few more and i was stuck on how to measure for one. i went to a couple of websites, did some measuring and finally decided to go with a slightly smaller band size and bigger cupsize.

it totally worked. I am in love with the lift and curve of this bra! so i want ot know your preference. i like lightly lined, underwire and lots of colors to choose from. what do you like? any specific bands?

and nwo to my next question. maybe a year ago i discovered the blessing of waxing my eyebrows and ~~mustache/chin hairs~~ ahem....extraneous hairs. then of course, the place i went to closed and i discovered the microwave wax kist. which i was skeptical about. turns out they aren't half bad, but i really prefer for someone else to rip out hair on my face. it is pretty hard to inflict that kind of torture on yourself regularly. so anyway....

i am going ot the beach in less than a month and i am so tired of shaving......down there. yup my vagina. not the whole thing, because i am not 10 and do not wish to look so, of course if you do that's great and more power to you, but me, not so much. but i also don't wish to feel like a band of tiger mosquitoes has taken over my crotch either which is usually the result of hair removal via razor. so .....

i want to get a bikini wax. but i also do not want to get herpes. if the place is clean, i think i might survive. i am also afraid of what it will feel like. or look like.

so any advice on down there hair removal.

i have tried nair. i curse whoever invented it. i got a chemical burn twice! so i am thinking since i am not rich and cna't afford laser treaments, waxing is my answer. help me out girls give me the lowdown!

hope you are having a great week! i will raise my drinking glass to you all weekend long!

i am still here....

2009-07-08T11:35:00.002-04:00

oh ladies how i have missed you all, and i have been reading you over the past few days to keep myself sane, but haven't had much time to comment, i am sorry for that and will remedy it shortly, but for now i will leave you with this, the last few days have been hard, and i am tired.

i have broken a toe, worked 36 hours in less than 3 days, cried, yelled, smiled and cried some more.....

there are pictures and fun things i want to tell you and show you and stories to laugh at, but that is just a teaser because i have a phone call to make and then off to bed, but ....

thankfully i have 5 days off now and i

CAN'T WAIT!

so first to catch up some sleep and then to catch up on some blog.....

you know those days when it really feels like summer? one of those perfect, long summer days?

2009-06-30T23:32:00.002-04:00

.....well my friends i had one today:) i woke up technically at about 11pm monday night.....cuz i am nocturnal and that's how i roll. i spent several hours on the computer, ordering new bra's from v. secret and reading all of your bloggy business:)

then this morning i went for a run:) it was already hot and some ~~dumbass~~wonderfully smart girl thought she should wear sweat pants to get that little bit of extra sweat out......yeah i don't think i'm gonna talk to her anymore, she isn't very nice.

wheni got home, the day was dawning to be clear and beautiful, and so i decided to work on my magda look (ok not really and if you don't know who i am talking about....don't worry it isn't that funny anyway...)

i got in my swim suit and pu tmy little guy in his and ~~pranced out the door without a care in the world~~ also grabbed bubble refills, the bubble gun, sidewalk chalk, a book, a towel, put two bottles of water in the freezer, sun block, tan accelerator, made sure the freezer pops were stocked up and frozen and last but not least my smiling babe.

we spent hours out there, soaking up the sun, splashing in the hose, laughing and just having some really nice mommy/son time.

when we came in we showered up and lotioned up and once we smelled sufficiently sweet and clean, i made us lunch.

we set up a picnic on the living room floor since the wind outside was picking up. Yum...we had soybutter and jelly sandwiches on whole wheat bread, bbq chips and nectarines, washed down into our tummies with refreshing water:)

it was so gret to hold a conversation with my little guy and really try and get a peak into his world. he wanted to know some stories about me when i was a kid so i told him some memories and asked him some of his favorite ones.....

then when we were finished, we snuggled on the couch and this conversation ensued..

dom: mommy? i heard some people on t.v. calling their parent's parents gradmaw and grandpaw, but aren't they mommom and poppop?

me: well, yeah, it means the same thing. i know some people who call them meemaw and peepaw.

dom cracks up at that: can you call the teetaw and seesaw? ( why oh why does he make things up like that?)

me: i guess you could call them whatever you want, poopoo and peepee. i don't think they would like it very much, but i guess yo ucould if you wanted to.

dom is laughing again

me: i think it might sound kinda weird to be running around saying i love you poopoo.

dom: yeah and peepee! (still laughing)

me: they might not let you come in the house calling them that, they might make you stay out on the deck.

dom: yeah, an be shameful of what you said!

i don't know why the word shameful made me get the giggles, but we were rolling around laughing for a while.

i also was talking to him about people and why they say the things they said. he looked up at me and said" mommy, everyone's a critic huh"

it kinda hit me because he's right. everyone likes to speak their mind and say what they want, but woe is you if you dish it back to them.

anyway, it is my nephew's birthday today, he turned 6. he is a sweet kid, but i really don't get to see him often. his father ( my brother ) and his mother, they are divorced. and neither of them has custody. the maternal grandparents do, though my brother has regular bisitation with them. so anyway i got my nephew on the phone and wished him a happy birthday and told him i love him. he said two things, one was can i talk to dom?

no honey dom is sleeping.

oh ok.

are you having a good day?

man! my stomache hurts so bad!

then he got off the phone. my brother explained to me that his son had gotten into the fridge earlier and had eaten and entire block of cheese. by himself.

no wonder.

i feel bad for the toilet!

so anway, i ran, got some sun, spent a ton of time with my little guy and got some sleep, oh yeah and i read more of the kite runner.

*blissful sigh*

i hope you are all having days like that:)

watch out for tiger mosquitoes!

2009-06-30T00:27:00.007-04:00

a few weeks ago i was in charge at work and i carry a designated phone when i am in charge. anyone who needs to get in contact with me from any ddepartment as well as the nurses on my floor can call that number and get me. each room also has a white board and the number is posted there too, should a patient be unable to get help from their nurse. thankfully not too many of them use it. i say this not because i don't want to help them too, but because i already recieve approx. 100-150 calls in a 12 hour shift already.

so anyway, a few weeks ago, while i was in charge i recieved a phone call from a patient in a room at about 3 am. I knew it was a patient because the phone has caller id. the convo went like this....

me: this is jineen, can i help you?

him: um yes, my name is mr. so and so in room ### and i am alittle upset.

me: well what can i do to help you be not upset?

him: i have been here for 3 days and no one will give me a test for the west nile virus.

me: why would you need a test for that?

(meanwhile i am looking through his chart, he is there for the flu.....)

him: i have been asking the doctor and you for the test since i have been here and i don't understand why you just refuse to give it to me.

me: sir, my understanding is that you are here for the flu, and you have been tested for that, and we are waiting for the results. you must be mistaken because this is the first time we have spoken.

him: NO! i have called you many times tonight and you and your african man keep answering the phone. but no one has given me my test. i breed tiger mosquitoes in my back yard and they are KNOWN for carrying west nile virus.

me: well, sir i am not sure about any of that, but you will need to speak with your doctor about that.

him: NO! i am not waiting anymore for this test. i have young children at home and there is a good chance that they have west nile virus too!

me: sir, i will not call the doctor at 3 in the morning to request this test. you can talk with him about it in the morning. i am very sorry that you haven't had it done yet, if that's what you think you need, but there isn't anything i am going to do about it now.

him: that's fine. i will talk to my doctor in the morning.

me: ok sir. try and get some rest.

he hung up.

remember this you will need it later......

so we cleaned out the shed this morning. we have no garage, attic or basement and so the shed is our storage. over the 8 years we have lived here, we have always put stuff in and never taken anything out. i have been dreading cleaning it out, but knowing we plan to move next spring, i knew it should happen sooner rather than later. Hubby was up for it and so we began.

it was a mess in there, so many htings covered in acorn shells, insulation everywhere! and all the crap!

so we took it all out......

stuff was EVERYWHERE! so we made some piles.......

the stuff to keep and go back in ..........

the stuff to sell/giveaway....

and......the trash.....

not the benches, but everything else.

don't judge me, i've been busy these last eight years......

so though i was sure it would take days, it didn't. 3 hours later the shed looked like this...

and though the inside needs some refurbishing of some of the wood, i figure that can wait until next week, for now.....it looked like this when we were done:)

yup it went from this...... ...............to this

i am so happy because now we can get some of the stuff that we do wanna keep but no longer have room for out of our house and into the shed, into tubs and containers, labeled and organized of course because i am never going back to the pack rat stage.....

i am sure though that there were many tiger mosquitoes in that shed, adre i say they were bredding in there? and before i could get the bug spray i was bitten over 10 times....

guess i really am sweet like sugar:)

i also learned from hubby (he used to work construction) that on any given morning at a job site, men could be found opening up their pants and dumping baby powder down their pants to keep their balls dry. nice.

and dom asked one very interesting question..

why are they called screw drivers?...... they don't drive!

so it was a good day, and once we had all the cobwebs and squirrel nests cleaned off of us, we were happy:) except now we need that west nile virus test.....

this weekend i made myself a humble pie and ate it...

2009-06-29T06:16:00.002-04:00

......the whole thing.

I needed to.

wnat to know why? of course you do. you all care like that. or you want to be nosy. that's ok, i love being nosy. a few commenters let me know they like peeking into the life of someone else...well me too. and i like having you look in my windows.....

anyway.....

while i shared on my last post that i am having trouble sometimes coming up with something to say, most of you found it amusing. my husband on the other hand did not.

he was very upset that i included something he considered embarrassing and intrusive regarding him. we fought about it. at length.

so i would like to set the record straight for his sake. he is a wonderful husband, not insensitive most of the time and when he is i am sure he doesn't mean it. while i thought it was comical that he had some bad timing regarding our bedroom romps.....he felt embarrassed that i shared it.

at first i over reacted. i have asked him multiple times not to read my blog. it is my personal journal. not for him. i still have that request though i realize now if he chooses to read it there is nothing i can do. then i yelled at him that i would never blog again. you all can see how well that worked out since it hasn't even been 3 days and here i am.

so i have thought what i could do to rectify it. i do not wish to be censored on something that i often consider to be my therapy.. my way to get out the stuff i can't say in real life and have you, my bloggy friends understand and accept me anyway. and so i will continue to not censor myself here.

but i will not post anything about my husband that i think he will consider embarrassing. i do feel that it is not fair, and alittle bit of censorship, but for the sake of not fighting, i will do it. i never meant ot hurt his feelings with something that i thought, and still do, think is funny. but he means a lot to me and so i will submit to his wish of not being included on here.

there......

now that is out of the way, we can get down to the regular stuff!

i won a contest on my bloggy friends site! Sarah was giving away a soy candle and i won! soy candles are fabulous and the compnay that she is getting it from is called terra luna and i am thinking with her permission, perhaps i will give one away as well...of course after i thoroughly enjoy mine. and after i get out my other giveaway stuff, which i have collected in my room and is still sitting there. because i never procrastinate.

today is my first full day off after the weekend, and our plan is to clean out the shed. we don't have a garage, so our shed has held all of our junk over the past 8 years that we have lived here and it is filled to the tippy top with crap. oh yeah and squirrel's nests. in the infinite wisdom that comes along with being 19, we didn't pack our stuff into containers but rather cardboard boxes. and they have held up so well over the years. as squirrel's nests.

i am hoping the sun will shine all day so i can work on my tan before we go on vacation in august.
keep your fingers crossed for me, would ya? tan skin is very important to me.

i started reading the kite runner today. it was lent to me by a friend, whom we have recently discovered our love for reading. i wish i was one of those awesome people who had like a book club, or circle or whatever you call it because i love reading books, especially if it is recommended to me. i really like memoirs and stephen king. i know a weird mix....but i am open to a lot. the only kind i really don't care for are romance novels. just can't get into them. love sotries are fine, but you know what i mean, the ones that include "he took his strong, thick weather beaten hands and plced them on the small of her back. as he guided himself into her..."
you know that kind.

is anyone interested? i don't really know how we might do it, i figure something like once a month we agree on a book and then read it. then we write a post on our fancy schmancy book blog where each of us gives our thoughts and either recommend it or don't. let me know. email me: lizlovey@hotmail.com.

my little rocker is running around enjoying his summer, he is loving the sun and playing all he wants. and of course being canadian, eh?

so with that ladies, i will wish you a happy monday and i am off to clean the shed!

i can't seem to get any more water out of this rock...

2009-06-26T03:52:00.002-04:00

.....and by that i mean, i keep sittin down to type some wonderful and fabulous post, only to have it fizzle out on me. they keep coming out sounding like a steady hum of nothing. not even very interesting. i have left them in my draft box......

it is nearly the weekend and though it may end up being nice outside, i will be working all weekend. i know, you are all feelin gvery bad for poor little ole me at this point, but it's really ok. i don't mind working the weekend. when your man is a stay at home dad, it doesn't really take any time away to be gone on friday and saturday night.

i also really like the staff that works my weekend:) that always helps. my coworker from hades is back on my case, only this time, she almost made me lose my cool, which in my 3 years of being at my job has NEVER happend. thankfully she is even more stupid than she looks ( i am not sorry for saying that either...) she blurted out some not very nice things about me, which she usually does.....however, this time it was within earshot of our boss.

ha! now she is gonna get in trouble....

i am not usually this hateful i promise, but this girl has made my life at work a living hell the nights she is there. and i love my job.

so i finally got to run again today after taking a week off for my knee to get better. i wrapped it in an ace, put on my sneakers and ~~ran like the wind~~ couldn't run after 2.4 miles because i forgot to give my body fuel. i seriously hadn't eaten in over 8 hours. so i was pissed because i wanted to do like 3.5, my mind was telling me yes, but my body was telling me NO! so for once i decided not to be stubborn. though if i had passed out it would have been a good day for it since hubby was mad at me and then he would have had to feel bad for me instead...

speaking of which........can anyone answer me this......

if you had a fight in the middle of the grocery store, and your husband left to sit in the car while you ~~got angrier and angrier~~ pushed around the over flowing cart with no problem, and then got home and spoke nothing to eachother except "you coming running" " i guess, didn't know you wanted me to go". and then got to the track and he took the kid to the playground instead, and then you finished early and asked him to get the car cause you felt like you were gonna throw up...and then you got home and were all sweaty, and upset because the time was ticking away and you knew you had to get up for owrk by 5pm so in bed by 10am was the goal....

after ALL OF THAT....... why would he turn to you and suggest that having sex might make it all better?

it makes my head turn 360 degrees around even now!

(these days i find myself allowing myself to express my anger more than ever before...i have held it in most of my 27 years...)

also, maybe you know this, maybe you don't. i HATE grocery shopping. i used to love it, but that is no longer. i have been trying to sock away a little more money each month to savings and that means being a little thriftier at the store. i make a list of potential meals for the two weeks, make a grocery list of the things we need and then add in extras (laundry detergent, deodorant, whatever). i explicitly ask hubby multiple times what he wants to eat, what he needs hygiene wise.

i ask many times.

i haev my list, i know what is on sale at each store, i have coupons.

we get to the store and spend at least 50 more dollars and end up with at minimum 6 more things than i planned. for him.

only 6 you say? well considering we go to 3 stores, that translates into 18 freakin things he forgot. it isn't that i don't want him to have it, it's jsut that i would have gotten a coupon or looked for a sale or whatever. he just doesn't get it. and then i get mad. and then he puts stuff back and then i feel bad and throw it back in the cart. and then he says don't treat me like i'm a kid, and takes it back out of the cart. and then i snatch it out of his hands and BURY it in the cart and tell him i won' t treat him like a kid, if HE will stop acting like one.

it's the same story everytime. only i don't get embarrassed about it. he does and ends up walking away from me. at least until we get home, where he gets the brillant idea that sex will fix it.

so enough ranting and rambling on.

my little guy watched indiana jones for the first time, and fell in love. especially when he found out there are 3 other movies he can watch. and one of them has an ark in it. which is funny because he doesn't realize it isn't the same kind of ark that Noah had. which is his other favorite movie (evan almighty). he is obsessed with animals, beards and all things noah. ( anyone know where i could find a noah costume?). So anyway, he ran around humming the indiana jones theme song today, and informed me that he had put his 2 favorite things together and was playing indiana giraffe. and it was the best game ever.

he also yelled to me that are we canadians, eh?

seriously he added the "eh" in. where he heard it from, i do not know.

then he told me all the things he knew about canada:

1.)the call pancakes "flapjacks"

2.)they do not have street lights, only stop signs

3.)all their theaters are red

4.)they do play football

then he changed his mind, and remembered that we are "italy-ians" and we eat pasta.

well, ladies here's hoping for a fabulous weekend!
hugs and kisses
jineen

summer hair cut, my little rocker, quote of the day and general business....

2009-06-20T23:52:00.005-04:00

when i woke up today i knew it was time. there was a very hairy someone running around my home........

so i grabbed a stool and my trusty clippers and i looked at the specimen, deciding the best way to go about my duty......

i worked tirelessly.......

of course, there were no complaints as my sweet dear child began to emerge from behind that untamed bush atop his head (nothing like mommy are you done yet? or mommy i can't take this much longer, no i heard none of that from the little monster who begged for over a week for this haircut...)

when the entire bathroom and everywhere else was sufficiently covered.....

the finished product emerged....

add the tattooes and i think a rockstar was born.....

can i just say that yesterday as i was preparing to go out and do some father's day shopping with my little......

his father and he decided that it might be nice to cover his arms with tattoo's. i'm gonna leave it to your imagination regarding the looks we got from all the old ladies at macy's.

my quote of the day? i don't remember where i heard it from, so if i stole it from you i apologize. and though i do believe i am spiritual, i don't talk about it much on here, but this quote really hit me and i wanted to share it. i sincerely respect all religion's and do nto wish to offend, but it's my blog so......

"i want to be the kindof woman that every day when i wake up, and my feet hit the floor, satan says "oh shit! she's up!"

it's true, i want to be that kind of woman. i want people to admire me and ask for my advice and always be able to tell them the right thing to do, even if it is the hardest and i want always to be honest and dependable.

moving on, tomorrow (today) is fathers day so best wishes to all the dad's out there. i wanted to run so badly today, but i just couldn't fit enough hours in the day to complete everything and who knows if i will get to tomorrow. i hurt my knee a while ago and it hasn't been the same. i haev been wrapping it and elevating it.....we will see. i love seeing what my body can do, but i have to learn not to push it. i started taking vitamins and though i feel like i am not so tired but my peeis also neon yellow. i am told this doesn't necessarily mean anything bad....but it is like a firefly exploded in my toilet!

so with that ladies, i will send you all hugs and kisses and sweet dreams!

oh this night just keeps going and going....

2009-06-19T01:33:00.003-04:00

wow, 2 posts in one day, apparently i need to be good at something and i guess today it is typing. sort of.

i never really use the spell check, because....well because i just don't care. i mean, i care about you all, very much, but not about spell check. every time i type "just" i put the s before the u. sometimes i fix it and sometimes i don't. who knows why. remember this is coming from the girl who also has a bad habit of running over mailboxes.....

i have entered two giveaways and so i am gonna post about them here, because a.) i want to share them with you and b.) the real reason which is i get an extra chance to win if i blog about it. try not to think of me as selfish, i did put that reason last. (although i wasn't thinking of it last....)

the first is terra luna candles which my friend sarah is giving away. i really want to win these candles. they are all soy and hand poured and those are things i love:) plus the scents are awesome and sarah is awesome and go here to find out more:)

the other is the sits summer fun stuff giveaway. ok i can't remember what it is really called, but they are giving away a ton of crap for summer and when i say crap, i mean stuff. because i certainly wouldn't blog about crap.....oh wait, i did here......

never mind.

so the fight came and i am not proud, i fought as i have never fought before and found myself with a scratchy throat and hoarse voice. i will let your imagination take you the rest of the way into that journey which ended up with me curled up like a child in my bed trying to figure out how it got so nasty.

anyway......

back to the stuffi wanted to type.....

i am on face book ladies and if you are interested in friending me, i will definitely accept, i love having lots of friends:)

i am also loving the fact that i have picked up some new followers! it makes me giggle like a school girl, shich i am about to be yet again come september, (if i can get my butt in gear to get transcripts where they are supposed to be...) wow, i am jsut going on and on......(see that word before going? yeah i spelled it wrong, AGAIN!)

anyway, leave me a comment, i will definitely leave one back!

i am hoping for some sunny weather tomorrow to lighten the mood in this house, i made stuffed shells tonight and itialian food always makes us feel better because we are, well, italian...

and now i will end the never ending rambling post...

love to you all and thanks for coming back again!

wanna fight?

2009-06-18T10:14:00.003-04:00

i am becoming one tough b**ch! it surprises me the things that i am forced to say/do/endure these days.

sometimes i feel so beat down i don't even have the energy to fight. hubby and i are "walking on eggshells" as i call it. this basically means a fight is brewing, just beneath the surface. we are at opposite ends of an agreement regarding something i want to do and just cannot over the last half year seem to come to some kind of agreement. we fight everytime it comes up and usually i have far given up by now. but i just can't.

but enough about that:)

it is a rainy freakin day here today and i am so sick of it! i just got finished about 50 hours of work in 3.5 days i am should be sleeping, but i can't!

instead i will leave you with this story.....

I used to be a nanny for 2 kids. it was a cake job because i loved the kids, and i could go to college while they were in school and they paid me well.

everything about this job was good except i had a really bad tie with mail boxes, that i haven't had before or since.

once, when i was driving them to school, there was a car that braked suddenly in front of me. it truly did brake very hard, i wasn't following too closely. i slammed on my brakes but i knew i wasn't going to be able to stop in time. there was nothing but lawn next to me on the right so i swerved over to cu through the grass alittle to avoid hitting the dumb car in front.

well there was only lawn and ....

a mailbox, which i promptly ran over.

i was so nervous that the whole thing happened in the first place that it didn't occur to me to stop and go back. i just kept on driving as if nothing had happened until the girl who was a bit older than the boy turned to me and said, ummm did we hit a mailbox?

i looked her dead in the eye and told her no. i guess she believed me because we never spoke of it again.

that or she was afraid i might run her over......

and the other time i was backing out of their driveway and i don;t know what i was looking at, bt i backed over their mailbox and knocked it over and it was wooden so it broke!

it was splayed everywhere in their driveway.

i felt terrible, i sat there for a minute and then i don;t know what possessed me, but i left!

i think they would have been very understanding had i stayed and explained and i really was very good to their kids.....

the next day they were relaying the story that some crazy person came and knowcked over their mail box and didn't even say anything.
i jsut stood there and agreed how awful it was to have done such a thing. i felt so terrible , but by that point there was no going back.

i don;t think they ever even suspected me...

i am sure you all think i am horrible now, but i was only 17, i didn't know that it wouldn't be the end of the world to fess up and buy them a new mailbox.

i hope they never find this and read it.......

have nay of you ever done something like that? how did you handle it?

you better fess up, or i might come looking for your mailbox.......

did you know.....

2009-06-13T15:42:00.003-04:00

uh, i was totally grossed out today by reading something in my ~~woman's bible for survival~~ glamour magazine. but before i tell you all about inspiration...

there's still time to ask hubby questions! come bloggy friends, here is your chance to meet the man of leisure himself, the man who can tolerate me even after all these years! ask him whatever you want, and he is gonna guest post with the answers, unedited by me!

ahem, moving on.....
in addition to my role as mother of the year, which requires lots of time for speech writing and parenting classes for those of you who can't seem to keep up with my mad parenting skills, i love to educate. my knowledge is extensive, and i thought to my self " self, don't your readers deserve to be as smart and all knowing as you?" well my bloggy friends the answer is yes.

so i figured i might help learn you all alittle, here goes, pay close attention:)

i figure i will start off easy, something you may even already know. i like to let you feel alittle superior, i'm kind that way:)

i love yoga, i love stretching. you too? think you are awesome? well, it is physically impossible to lick your own elbow. (of course why would you want to?)

i was "reading" ~~while taking a dump~~ in my "office" and came across a little excerpt that informed me that after one day of wearing a pair of panties, you have approx. a tenth of a gram of fecal matter on them. ewww! i mean i know it doesn't sound like a lot, but it was part of a story talkinga bout how woman re-wear their underwear and that the poopoo can cause infection because it can touch other parts when you re-wear them!

i am so grossed out. i know its probably because i am a nurse, but i wash my hands more than 100 times a night when i am at work, and probably half that throughout the day while at home. not because i a ocd, but because i just like to prevent illnesses whenever possible.

apparently, handwashing alone doesn't help. you also must never eat in public. wanna know why? An average person will consume 12 pubic hairs in their fast food annually. ummm.....thankgoodness we don't eat a lot of fast food, however, i always thought it was all the grease giving me "swamp ass". apparently, that may not be the cause after all.

think all that plucking and waxing and shaving and hair dying and treadmill slaving is bad? at least we have some evidence to back it up. what if we lived during these times?...Drinking turpentine is said to make urine smell like a rose, so hundreds of years ago, women would drink turpentine so their piss would smell sweet. umm.....

forget excederin and tylenol, if you got a headache in 1897, you were totally in luck! why? well bayer (yes the aspirin company) marketed heroin. NICE!

i know you are probably exhausted from all this reading and learning, but i wanted to leav eyou with one more tidbit of knowledge.....

more than half of you reading this and expanding your brains, will have tried to lick your elbow:)

happy weekend! (don't forget your questions for hubby:)

of pigs with apples and the eiffel tower

2009-06-13T01:23:00.004-04:00

i have been neglecting my dear little blog for a day or two, trying to get caught up on some things, and now i must catch up on here:)

first let me say, as usual i was overreacting to the situation at work. while my 2 dearest friends were upset, the focus of their anger wasn't me. yesterday they took me out for a belated birthday celebration and showered me with new scrubs, even matching socks:)

my leg is feeling much better and i am anxious for tomorrow so i can get back to running. funny how less than 7 months ago i could barely walk 3 miles and dreaded it each day and now i am looking forward to running it:)

hubby got new running shoes so we can run together, and we got some vitamins to supplement so we can remain healthy. i havent ever really been into putting pills in my body, instead preferring natural ways to relieve pain, fatigue, and eat the right foods (the food part started only 7 months ago). but with the kind of stress i am putting on my body, i need some extra help.

my friend sarah has tagged me and it always makes me smile when someone chooses me:)

first photo file

10th pic

explain it

tag 5 people

this is my little guy at christmas in 2006:) he was about to turn 5 and in keeping with my general status as mother of the year, i cannot recall much else about the picture:)

i am hgoping for sunshine tomorrow so i can add some color to my skin, and i am also going shopping for a pinata:) family reunion on sunday.....

i am so thankful for the kind thoughts after my rough day wednesday, its so good to have people here that care:)

again i msut refer to my friend sarah, who has an awesome blog by the way, she did a master cleanse and i so want to do it...but i am scared of the salt water flush......

and finally one last plea....

i have been begging my husband to jump on the blogging band wagon and he is resisting so far, but he is willing to answer some questions from you all....

anyone want to know anything? even the most personal of questions, even the grossest, or most embarrassing, he will do it. he promised.....

hope you are all having a great weekend, for the tag i am picking

whileshopping in the mall for shoes today, my son turned to me and said "hey mommy, yo uknow those pigs people eat? you know the ones with their heads still on and apples in their mouths, those are called suckling pigs."

me "oh yeah? well thankyou for letting me know"

him "by the way, what is a suckling pig?"

i tell him it is a babby pig. he says "oh, hmmmm. well did you know the eiffel tower is located in paris, france?"

me "i did. but thankyou for reminding me. how did you learn all this stuff?"

"t.v."

never mind that we have taught him how to read (more or less) and the presidents, and addition. suckling pigs and paris, france are what he knows:)

it's been a hard day....

2009-06-11T00:25:00.003-04:00

so it is wednesday night and i am hoping tomorrow comes sooner rather than later. nothing in this day has gone well and i am ready for it to be done. never mind that technically it is already thursday because it is 12:40 am.

my friends got in trouble this morning with our boss and i am feeling liek they think i am the cause of it. i am not byt the way, but the whole thing looks a little suspicious. my stomache is sick thinking that i may lose some friends that i value more than most anyone else except hubby and son.

am i over reacting, probably, but just the same, it isn't looking to good right now and i am having a hard time focusing on anything else.

then when i went to the gym to tough it out on the treamill about 22 minutes into my 40 minute run, i got a pain in my left knee that i couldn't even breath through. i have been having some strain in that knee and have been wrapping it and icing it, but today it got so bad i literally coudln't stand on it. then it took me 10 minutes instead of 3 to get out to my car.

i don't know what to do, i thought the pain would go away once i had some rest, but it is coming back the more i am on my feet. my husband says i have over done it running for 11 days in a row with no rest. but i am stubborn and would like to think not only am i mother of the year, but also super woman. it is currently elevated and wrapped in an ace bandage.

in general after 36 hours of work in 60 hours, i feel shitty. i am tired and my feelings are hurt and my honesty nad loyalty are in question, and although you, my bloggy friends may not be aware of my honesty issue, but i am honest to a fault. i cannot tell a lie, (i know someone famous almost said that, george washington?) anyway, it hurts. am paranoid enough as it is and i cannot wait until tomorrow to see the faces of my friends and see where i stand. maybe this is why i have no friends, because i cannot stand someone who doesn't understand how loyal i truly am to people i care about.

whatever.

i have a couple things to mention.....

my friend serena has new blog site.....

my friend shannon has had a tough time of it lately and you should give her some encouragement....

my friend cammie is in dc because she and her hubby are awesome....

my newest and kindred spirit friend sarah is having a blowout and not the hair dresser kind....

and also, anyone wondering about mr. jineen andress? anyone have any questions for him? ask away and he will guest post on here with the answers.

he has agreed to answer any and all questions!
people take advantage of this opportunity...

love you all, so glad this week is almost over!

jineen

i should join mensa....

2009-06-06T11:22:00.004-04:00

......what with all this learning i am doing lately:)

in addition to the lessons i have learned from my son, there are some things my patients have taught me and i feel you should know them as well.....

parts of your body are not always what they appear....

i was leaning over a patient trying to calm her down for bed. it was quite a task to undertake being that she has advanced dementia and also won't take any anxiety meds. (or any meds for that matter, she just won't swallow)

i couldn't leave her to her own devices, so i was using every trick i keep up my sleeve to get her relaxed. so anyway.....

i was smoothing her hair and talking softly......

meanwhile, she is grabbing at anything with both hands, the air, the siderails, the iv pole.....

and all of the sudden...

she grabbed my crotch.

and held tight.

i tried to back away without scaring her and i asked her what she doing.

she looked at me as she withdrew her hand and said....

"i am putting the easter basket backon the table."

i let her know that this particular easter basket was staying right where it was.

saltines and jif can be used against you....

i was again trying to calm down a little, itty bitty, crazy woman one night. ( i spend a lot of time calming people down....)

she has a mulitude of mental disorders and refused to take her meds. she was quite upset one night and i believe she was more scared than anything. acute psychosis can do that. she couldn't remember us from one moment to the next. she was black, and i tell you this not because i care, but because she was including several racist slurs in her yelling.

she was yelling all kinds of profanity, letting everyone know exactly what she thought of them. as she told each person in the room all the things that were wrong with them, she screamed and yelled.

we were finally able to get her to take her meds by crushing them in peanut butter and spreading it on crakcers. telling her it was the crunchy kind, which she loved.

finally it was my turn to hear what she thought of me....

she looked me dead in the eye...

and in a very calm voice.....

asked me if i had any peanut butter.

i told her i didn't....

she smiled...

and said...

" i just thought that since you are a cracker, you should have some peanut butter to go with it."

i had to leave the room because i was laughing so hard.

some patients just can't get enough of us...

we have one patient who comes in every couple of months, drunk off his ass. he is withdrawing from alcohol, which can be deadly.

after a lifetime or two of drinking everyday, he isn't looking so great. he is a short hispanic man, who can speak english, but only when he is sober...

one time, he smelled so bad and was continually peeing on himself and refusing to take off his pants. i literally stripped him down and held him in a bear hug and made him shower. i was soaking wet by the end but at least he didn't stink.

another time, i had to pick through his entire dinner because he hadn't eaten in days. i knew he was hungry and when i finally asked him what was wrong her told me he wasn't eating our food because we had la cucaracha's (sp?) in our food.

the last time he was leaving, he haqd been withdrawing worse than before and was found on the bushes of a median on the highway. i told him he was gonna kill himself if he didn't give the drinking a break. surely falling into some bushes had to be a pretty low point.

he was walking down the hallway, in his clothes, being discharged.

i called to him...

"hey p****"

he turned around..

"give us a little rest for a while, stay away from the beer for a week or two..."

he smiled, raised his hand to his mouth while shaping his fingers as if holding a beer can and said in his spanish accented english....

"i don't know, maybe tonight...."

i ran this morning, and now i am having a glass of wine......(let's pretend it's just one...)

and now i am going to sleep:)
have a great weekend!

jineen

boy, i sure am lucky i have a kid to teach me the ways of the world....

2009-06-04T05:40:00.003-04:00

it's true. just ask him. He makes sure he reminds me constantly that i in fact might be lost if it weren't for him.

He has taught me that i can endure almost anything.......

while we were on our vacation in March, heading from key west back to the mainland of florida, crossing over a 7 mile long bridge, i turned and warned the apple of my eye that we wouldn't be having a potty break for a bit. (now, i understand he really has very limited control over bm's and that is why we put a pull up on him in possibly unknown potty situations) ahem...

approx, midway across the bridge, he announces he has to poop.

I turn and look at him.

he puts his hands up and shrugs his shoulders as if to say "what can you do?"

only what he said was "it's gonna be a swamp ass mommy."

please allow me to interject for a moment, we do not allow our son to freely use foul language, however, diarrhea has earned the name swamp ass in our home, due to the laxatives and foods my son eats, there is no other appropriate name....

so....i tell him to go for it in the pull up because there is nothing else i can do....

and like a good little boy, he did.

i turned back around to look at the beautiful view.......

"uh, mommy?"

i look at him...

"it's leaking...."

i can see that his shorts are wet from the swamp ass, and so i am trying to think of what to do...let it go until we get to land which would mean a 20 hour car ride with a stinky booster seat.....or come up with some kind of super mommy way to change him...

while going 70 m.p.h.

so, being the fabulous mother that i am, i knidly ask my husband to go the actual speed limit of 55 m.p.h., tell my kid to climb into the front seat with me (the back seat was packed with our crap) and proceed to change him...

while he's standing....

in the front seat of the car....

with swamp ass...

needless to say, i didn't do a shabby job, everything was looking good, until...

i reached to his behind for one last wipe at precisely the moment he decided to produce the one last bit of poo...

my hand was covered, my fingernails were stuffed, the poo was even in the creases of my hand.

my husband screamed, my darling little angel screamed. i however, finished changing him without a drop of poo on his body or new shorts, put him back in his seat and buckled him one handed, then cleaned off my hand the best i could with baby wipes.

the best part? they both told me how gross and disgusting i was until we reached a reststop where i could wash my hands, and then even after for a few days, they wouldn't take anything from me if i handed it to them with my left hand.

my son has taught me the correct way to play mommy and daddy....

my husband stood washing the last of the dishes one night, and my son was watching him quite intently, finally he turned to me....

" you know, mommy, i've been thinking, the mommy is the one who should really be doing the cooking and cleaning...."

i look up at him from the book i'm reading, and i ask him why he thinks that ( in our house i work and my husband is a stay at home dad, it is absolutely the way we choose it to be for the last 3 years now...)

anyway...

he tells me that all th shows and movies he see's tell him that is the way it should be.

so i ask him while i am doing all the cooking and cleaning, and working, what will he and daddy be doing?

he leans back in his seat, puts his hands behind his head and says with a big ~~shit eating grin~~ beautiful smile " relaxing and playing and doing what we do best."

my child also taught me that he knows who is boss...

my husband and i always try to present a united front for our child. (we don't want him to be able to play us against eachother.) and when i say always, i mean, more often than not, my husband sets the rules because he is home mostly, (taking into consideration how i feel about things) and i either emforce when needed or discuss a change with my husband. Often times though, when i do haev the chance to set some rule or boundary or give some privelage, my husband bursts in with whatever he has to say. this irritates me to no end, because it doesn't exactly present that united front....

maybe i should start over...

i present a united front and my husband sometimes plays along...

well, the other day, upon being interupted from a serious negotiation between my son and i, my husband was letting us both know that neither choice was an option....

my blessing from the Lord looked up at him with a smirk and said....

"daddy? i've seen the man...

and you're not him."

and turned around to me to finish our discussion over what game to play and what the prize might be.

i am sure there are more pearls of wisDOM (again, do i need to point out that his name is part of that word?)

but i must go for now....

hope everyone has learned a valuable lesson today:)

music is the door to my soul lately...

2009-06-02T21:37:00.002-04:00

i find myself listening to the same 20 or songs over and over. they are the expression of how i feel lately and they are good at letting me just be me and not feel like i have to put on a face for anyone.

when i was a teenager and living in the heart of my parents home trying desperately not to be like them and yet have them accept me and love me.... ( keep in mind i wasn't a rebelious teenager, i just couldn't live my life the way that they did)...

so anyway, i would sit on my bed for hours and listen to music to drown out everything else.
it was how i could escape and not worry.

i find myself reverting back to that now. using it to drown out reality and often to hide from having to explain to my husband why i am sad or angry. it is also easy for me to blow up at every little thing and the more that i avoid those situations, the less fights i cause.

i am able to calm myself down and not be so angry/sad/uptight for a bit. i don't know why i am feeling like this so on and off lately. i literally feel like i am losing my mind.

i am sleeping and missing out on my kid playing outside the last 2 days, and though i feel like it isn't the end of the world, i still feel guilty. i guess when i chose to be a working mom, i should have know i wouldn't be there for every little thing. they made little pizza's tonight, and i was so jealous that they did it without me. not mad, but jealous. why?

i feel like i have come to a crossroads. be the person everyone wants, always happy and never mad, or be myself and let people take me or leave me. much easier to type than do.

i have a great life, i am thankful for that, my husband is wonderful and sexy and truly loves me. my kid is amazing, can cheer me up with one hug and loves to be around me.

and yet, at times i feel like i hide from them because i inevitably will let them down in some way.

wow, i am reading back over all this and thinking maybe i shouldn't take it so deep on here. i am considering deleting it.....

maybe we all go through this? maybe i thought i grew up a long time ago because i had to, and really the younger me just got pushed inside? maybe i was so busy of putting on the facade of always knowing what to do and always being the caretaker, that now i am realizing i need to be taken care of too?

i ran today for the first time in 2 weeks. i have been so good at faithfully exercising, but i just haven't been able to these last two weeks. but i hopped back onto the running train today.

thanks to shannon and sarah, they are my inspiration and i can't wait unti the day i run my first 5K. maybe i could ask hubby if he would like to train with me, then we could do it together.

i think this is something i just have to learn to be me and stop caring what others think. yet, maybe i am afraid no one will like what they see. i don't think i have been fake all these years, just always putting my best self forward and letting very few people actually get to know the real me.

recently i have made 2 friends who really like me for me. they have been there through the tears and laughter and they just keep coming back for more. i am having a hard time trusting that but over the last 9 months, they have proven themselves true.

can i really be one of those people who doesn't really trust anyone? am i always waiting for the ball to drop?

i push myself, and never allow myself to be sad or scared, i always have the answers, but maybe no one needs me to be that person. maybe i can just be jineen, and people will stay after all.

or maybe i really am losing my mind....i haven't ever felt this way in my whole life, like i don't even belong in my own skin........

well, friends, at least i can come here.......

thankyou all for coming back, and letting me just be me:)

i'm older,they say everyone has that one thing that gets to them...the friday breakfast, and upcoming stuff.....

2009-06-01T23:46:00.009-04:00

my one thing isn't age. i feel like finally i have gotten old enough that i cannot be as easily discounted as before....

i am 27 as of last Thursday, and i had a great day:) i got to spend it at home, relaxing with my guys, and then hubby took me out to dinner. but one little stop first......where i got this done....

i love it, and no it didn't hurt too bad....not at all what i thought it would be....

and yes, i am refferring to that little nubby part of my ear which now bears a ring:)

last week at work, they hit me with a double whammy......i got to work and found out i had to go on an ambulance transport to take a patient to another campus of our hospital. i don't mind doing it when i have advance notice....but i guess they probably forgot to let me know...meaning no motion sickness meds.....riding in the back of a bouncy trouncy ambulance for an hour total isn't my idea of fun....

they say everyone has that one thing that they can't tolerate in nursing, for some it is mucous, some-vomit.....i have yet to find mine. i can seriously tolerate changing a colostomy bag and then eat oatmeal.

so i am getting ready to leave, i was innocently called to a room to examine a specimen.

i know you are thinking that i should have known then, but this isn't a rare occurence at work, so i thought nothing of it.

i got to the room and the bedpan was sitting htere and in the hand of the girl who called me was a smallish tongue depressor.

and on the tongue depressor was a wriggling 10 inch long worm. and the worm came from the patient.

or rather the patient behind.

i looked....

blinked...

looked again...

and promptly blacked out.

thankgoodness it was only for a second or two, but none-the-less, i believe body bugs are my thing.

so, ahem....

allow me to compose myself for a minute because just the memory is getting to me....

i wish i had some super exciting events to share with you, but life has been good, normal.

I had a calss about strokes today and then went out to lunch with my boss. We had some super yummy sangria and i didn't feel at all weird that i would drink with my boss:) she is freakin awesome...

i only have 2 nights to work this week, then to my mothers house for my birthday breakfast on friday. i am hoping it will be a good morning.

i am nervous though. my grandmother and i have always been vlose and she always thought of me as her youngest daughter. she made me french toast on french bread for my birthday every single year of my life. she died 5 years ago, and i miss her every day. we only lived 5 moinutes apart and i was much closer to her than others in my family. so when she died, my mom promised to still make me that birthday breakfast. so far, she has every year.

the reason for my nervousness is, i haven't dealt with either my grandmothers death and also haven't been open with my mother about how her actions affect me and make me feel. i just can't. i always look at peole that say that and think, sure you can just say it. but....

i can't.

so we will see. next thursday my two best girlfriends are taking me out for a pedicure and birthday dinner and then sometime in the next week we are having a goodbye celebration for all the graduating residents at the hospital. the party isn't at the hospital, the residents are.

so some fun stuff coming up.

and as always vacation is in august, just 2 months away, and you all know how gluttonous we are for vacation.

my friend shannon over at it's trickey just got back from a beautiful vacation, she has promised lots of pictures so check her out here .....

so, i hope you are all having a great start to your week, thanks for always being there to listen:) i am thinking about installment 2 of dom's story.......you can go here to catch up before i post the next part....

love and hugs,

jineen

sometimes i even cook.......

2009-06-01T00:45:00.002-04:00

so i decided to cook the other night (i do love to cook, i just find myself without the time all too often).....

what was on the menu? chicken fajitas:)

yum:)

so, get your chicken, red bell pepper and onion, cut up and put in skillet with some hot oil.

cut up tomatoes........

and avocado.......

when the chicken is done cooking, take the pepper and onion strips, put them in a food processor, add lime juice, tomatoes and cilantro to make homemade salsa......

get out tortillas and shredded cheese.....

put it all together and enjoy! it is healthy and yummy........

hope you all had a great weekend!

a monster has taken over the use of my body...protect your face and other vulnerable areas!

2009-05-25T19:01:00.003-04:00

well ladies, the pms has hit me hard this month. i don't know what happened...maybe it is all the stuff going on with my extended family, or maybe i am just so tired of conforming......but something inside has reared its ugly head.

if you've been following along with me, you know i have been trying to be more of my true self. so few people get to see that side of me. but there is great girl in there. my whole life i have done waht others expected. the right thing. the thing that would save othe feeling of others. i have watched people say and do what makes them happy and expect me to follow along. i have kept my true feelings inside. especially if i am mad or frustrated. well, after nearly 27 years, i am tired of it.

i do not want to be censored anymore. i have bit by bit been trying to break out. it is hard for me to do and apparently even harder for others to accept. they think i am losing my mind. all i want to scream is no, i am not losing it, i am for once being my self. true to myself.

sadly the person who must bear the brunt of many things is my husband. i have been known to fly off the handle at the poor guy for almost no reason. (did i mention that i am also trying to quit smoking?) (yeah, great time to start that, right?)

yesterday i was missing my mom (no she isn't dead) and i was listening to a song and it reminded me of her. i updated my facebook status to reflect a quote of that song. at some point an old "friend" ( really an aquaintance) asked if i was ok, HON.

yup, she called me hon. i was beyond mad. i know sucha little thing, but she doesn't ever give me the time of day, read something that she took as a cry for help and wanted to be nosy. i laughed it off and showed hubby, who .....

agreed with her!

i was yelling in less than a second and storming thru the house slamming doors. he took her side. later on he explained that the quote actually made it seem like i was talking about him. so i understood his point, but at the same time, as long as he and i know we are fine, i do not want to be censored by what others may think!

but i gave in and took it off my status. i am still not happy about it, but i don't want my husband upset. i sent that girl a message letting her know i am just fine and really she shouldn't have worried about it like that. she hasn't said anything back. so i feel like i conformed.

i love music, and i like to express myself with quotes from songs i like. i cannot say to my mother how i feel. not yet. so getting it out in other ways makes me feel better.

anyway, how do you all get it out when you just can't confront the person?

more importantly, do any of you have pms times that make you feel like you aren't even yourself? seriously it is bad this month. i feel like crying or screaming at anything. poor hubby. i keep apologizing and trying to watch my mouth, but i guess in my new change of saying how i feel, the only person i am truly good at doing it to is hubby. again, poor hubby. i love him. he knows.

on a happier note, this weekend has been beautiful and i have so much enjoyed spending time with my guys. hope you are all having a great long weekend, and i hope the ugly pms monster is taking it easy on you since she is killing me:)

jineen

a lazy saturday:)

2009-05-24T01:22:00.006-04:00

yup, day two of being at home continued with us just kinda being ourselves, together:)

we woke up at a late hour (i'm not gonna even say) (ok it was 1pm) (yes my kid sleeps in like that)....

and we had some breakfast...

after that we put on some sunscreen and headed outside......

we blew bubbles..(someone then chased them down with his shotgun) (it isn't a real shot gun)

got a sidewalk chalk tattoo from daddy....

kind of just ran around.........

posed with mommy......

and once again, ended the day with my little guy loving me up:)

it was a beautiful day:) we got some sun, some fun and some well spent time together:)

a picnic and the park:)

2009-05-22T19:48:00.005-04:00

today we decided to say goodbye to our sun shunning ways and be awake during the day time! in fact since i was given last night off and don't go back untiltuesday night, i plan to enjoy every day this weekend! soak up some sun and some time and some affection from my two favorite guys!

so today we gotup and after paying some bills, we ~~packed a super nutritious lunch that we made at home~~ headed to wawa for subs and chips and sodas and then onto the park!

we walked around...

and goofed around......

and watched the little stinker play....

he made some new friends....and they followed him wherever he went....

he played and played......

and we ended the day my favorite way.....

lots of love:)

hope your weekend is as good as mine so far!

some ponderings...

2009-05-20T06:00:00.004-04:00

here are some things i have been sitting around thinking about these past few days. in addition to work, you can see how very exciting my life is...

when we bought this new laptop, we ~~fell for the ploy of~~ accepted the offer of the free wireless card that came with it. and every month we have the joy of paying $69.99 for the unlimited use and convenience of having the internet anywhere we want. on the couch, in-between the 2nd and 3rd cushion, with your legs postioned just so and the laptop balanced on top, in between the hours of 3 and 4 am, on every other tuesday.

i just love the fact that my internet usage comes in and out at least 3 times each time i am logged on. i also love the fact that i signed a 2 year contract for it. thanks for ~~a piece of shit and crappy service most of the time~~ my free wireless card at&t!

alos, i haven't washed my face yet today. why not you ask? well because i am ~~to lazy to get up and do while i am this comfy inbetween the 2nd and 3rd cushion on the couch~~ trying to do my part and conserve water. however, i just felt my forehead and my hand came away with a rather nasty coating of....face grease? no wonder i started getting acne at the age of 26! i also became an oil rig. seriously, i need to stop typing and go wash this thing....

however it is obvious the lure of the free wireless card has me enslaved to finishing this post, alas oil removal will have to wait. i have noticed that while i have stuck with my exercise program for 6 months come tomorrow....weight loss is hard. yeah, i know, i am a genius for figuring it out. but seriously, it is hard! i haven't stuck with anything involving weight loss for more than a month before now, and i am so proud to come up on the day that marks #6 month!

of course the girl that sometimes spends her time on the elliptical in front of me and guinevere, on her cell phone, and reading a magazine, and stopping every 5-10 minutes to saunter over to the water cooler for a drink, weighing in at a whopping 105lbs. is totally motivating. when she waltz's in with her sports bra and scrub pants on ~~which we are not even allowed to wear~~ which look so fabulous i never have nasty thoughts about pushing her off her machine and laughing gleefully as she falls to the ground. i never imagine her sitting in bed for months recovering and gaining weight because she can't exercise because of her 2 broken legs. i would never think something so nasty.

i am also helping a dear friend plan her wedding for next May. I have emailed and searched countless places. it is a ton of work, but totally worth it. the thing that relly gets me scratching my head is why do so many palces have these packages that are supposed to make your wedding day perfect but also cost mroe than your home and if you want to change or only use some of their service, they aren't thrilled to have your business. don't get me wrong, i mean weddings are expensive. i know it. but in this economy, you would think that someone somewhere might understand that you don't really need that butlered egg roll service. cheese and crackers and fruit would be just fine. No, that one year membership to the next door museum of old car parts isn't really what i wanted...oh...you don't have a package that doesn't include that? no, thankyou 4 courses would be jsut fine, we don't need 8...oh, that's all you have?

my gym instructor is gone gone gone. on my 6 month day of ~~dragging myself into the torture chamber~~ getting fit and healthy, she is gone. we went to breakfast this morning where i thanked her for all she has done to encourage me and also to let her know the new guy may not be allowed to measure my body fat....

also, the best news that happened, work called me off tonight! i haven't been caclled off in almost a year and it seems like everyone else has had more than one turn, so i am glad it is finally mine!

hope you are all planning on having a great weekend!

jineen

a sweet treat just for you (without all the calories)

2009-05-20T05:40:00.002-04:00

here are some pictures of the best things in my life:)

hope your week is going well!

dirty mouth? clean it up out!

2009-05-16T19:14:00.011-04:00

I am sure you may know by now if you are following that I am trying to commit to a change in my life. I am so tired of people saying and treating me however they feel and expecting me to lay down and take it. it has caused so much inner turmoil in my life that i can hardly stand it anymore. a few times in the last few weeks i have been able to say what i wanted to, but it is so hard for me. usually someone is nasty or mean and then i say something to smooth it over and then go home and toss and turn instead of sleep. i think about what i should have said. mostly it doesn't even need to be mean, i just think of things that i could have said that would have shut them right up, or made them feel like and ass for even saying or behaving the way they did.

oh sure, i can be witty, approx. 1-2 hours after i have had time to think of what i should have said. oh yeah i can get my point across, but i generally sound like i am trying to make nice.

please don't get me wrong, i don't want to turn into some sort of nasty bitch who says whatever she wants. i would be no better than the very people that I despise.

what i do want to do is get it off my chest. i want to become better poised and prepared to say what needs to be said in such a way that the other person feels as though they want to apologize or leave me alone.

so, in the spirit of getting it off my chest, i give you....

Clean out your mouth !!!!!!!!!!!

tired of everyone else saying what they want? do you often think of just the right thing to retort only it is hours later? join me in cleaning up out your mouth!

this week i have encountered several times i need to cleanse myself of...

on sunday i decided to "stop by" on my way to work at my parents house to say happy mothers day to my mom and happy birthday to my sister. after standing at their door and knocking for 15 minutes, it seemed that they would not be answering the door. i knew they were there as i could see them taking turns peeking out the windows to see who it was. i guess they realized i wasn't going away because they finally opened the door. their excuse? oh, we thought you were a jehovah's witness. my response? oh, hahaha, that's funny.

i should have said " I am sure you saw me ehile peeking out the window and got worried i had my whole fmaily with me and that maybe i would go away but i really wanteed to see you. don't worry i am on my way to work so i won't be here long.

at work on monday night, a doctor who i am friends with stopped by to say hello. i had a pleasant conversation with him about his upcoming wedding and where he was transferring to so that he could be closer to his wife's job. afterwards a coworker approached me in front of everyone and let me know how inappropriate it was for me to be friendly with a doctor and that it didn't look good to anyone else. my response? " really? i was just talking to my friend....."

what i should have said " i know that you like to tell everyone here that i am a trouble maker, but it seems to me that you are the only one trying to start trouble today."

then at the end of the week, we had a wonderful employee celebration day and there was one person (incidentally the same coworker as above) who was so negative about the whole event that took months to plan, she said she wished they had just called her off so she didn't have to be there for it. i just walked away.

i should have said " it's a shame they didn't so that someone who would have appreciated it could have been here instead. oh yeah, please feel free not to take your gift or any food, since you didn't want it anyway."

so i guess you get the idea here? need to clean out your own mouth? feel free, i will try and get a mr. linky up so we can all share:) if this idea is something you all like i will try and do it every saturday:)

love to you all (p.s. i am using the picture above until i can find out how to make my own button...any hints?)

jineen

(also, please link to your actual post thanks)

the roller coaster continues....

2009-05-15T11:56:00.002-04:00

dear friends it is friday! i am so happy it is the end of the week!

i am off until sunday night and kinda looking forward to just doing nothing. the weather is beautiful and i am planning on being outside and enjoying it with my little one:)

this week has been all over the place and though i feel like i am handling it better than last week, i also feel like will these emotions and sadness and happiness and anger ever all calm down?

the stupid bitch at work continues to be herself, and though she drives me nuts i have become quite adept at ignoring her. sometimes i think that is a good hting and other times i feel like i truly wish i could just put her in her place. the thing that keeps me sane is everyone else is pretty much feeling like i am so at least it isn't just me. i should clarify though that while i am the boss often at night, that only means i am in charge, but i am not acutally like the nurse manager boss, so even though i would love to fire her, i cannot.

in fact this week i wasn't even in charge at all, which was nice to have a break. i got to have my own little group of patients and take care of them for 3 nights. i got to know them and spend time with them and really feel like a nurse. it was great, even though a little old man who was half blind apparently couldn't make up his mind about me. first he would stare at my chest and tell me he needed some love, then he would call me "hey, my man!". when i told him i wasn't a man, he laughed and said" oh i didn't know until just now..."

i guess the funny parts are what keeps it moving.

yesterday we had our first ever employee appreciation day for just our unit. it has been being planned for months now and we were so excited to have it go so well. there is a committee of us who make decisions for our unit and help our nurse manager with projects and hospital wide committees, and we bought -shirts for our entire floor and had food and stuff all day long.

i have to say it really brought our floor together and made everyone feel pride to be apart of it. it was better than we even expected.

i have been a total slacker this week is exercising, it is friday and the only time i exercised was monday. i will get back on track though, i am gonna say it was a tough week and start anew.

i still feel like crying nearly every day. my parents wouldn't even open the door when i stopped by for a few minutes mothers day. it took 15 minutes of me knocking before they realized i wasn't going to leave. it was also my sisters birthday and i was going to work but wanted to say hi to them. they told me they thought i was a jehovah's witness and that was why they didn't answer. yeah, ok. i saw them looking out the window, and also i am white. oh yeah and also i was in scrubs and i look more like their daughter than a jehovah's witness.

whatever.

i am having a hard time sleeping. i think it in part is due to what is going on inside of me, but also due to the fact that my husband is not sleeping when i do. which means he comes in and out, waking me each time. i have tried to ask him not to, i think he jsut thinks he can be quieter next time. or he tries to wake me up for.....

and to be quite honest i hate being woken up when i am really tired for any reason. 3 times last night. i woke up today pissed about it because while i realize i slept for 12 hours, it doesn't really count when you are woken 3 times.

so....being tired makes me more emotional.

agghhh, a never ending circle.

on the other hand i made reservations for our summer vacation this week and you all know how much we love vacation! now i just have to figure out how to pay for it.......

oh yeah, can i talk to you for a minute about tires?

last friday on my way home from work i got a flat tire. only a mile or so from my house. so i called my husband and informed him i was on the shoulder of the road with my hazard lights on driving 20 miles an hour. he was like ok, are you gonna make it home?

blah blah blah, i made it home blah blah blah...

the point of the sotry is this....when we went to get a new tire.....

we went to walmart first and they knew what kind of tire we needed and could put it on for us and it would be $125.00. oh yeah, except, they didn't have the tire in stock.

ok, on to pep boys. they thought we would have to replace both rear tires so as not to screw up the alignment and that would be $300.00, except surprise surprise, they didn't have the tires either, but they did have a different kind, but id we wanted those then we would need to rplace all 4 tires and it would be $650.00.

um, no thanks.

so onto palumbo's. they did have the 2 rear tires and they agrreed we should replace both and they could do it right then.

$335.00 later, our tire problem was fixed.

WTF?

a stupid tire gets a flat and all day was spent taking care of it and finding out that alignment on a car is seriously important. or a seriously important excuse to get more money out of people.

my son now thinks is some hot shit because he helped mow and trim the yard yesterday and today there is more yard/house work on the agenda and he and my husband have been out this morning picking up supplies to perform these chores. he even convinced his father that they needed wendy's for lunch because workers always eat lunch out.

ha! little stinker, he sure knows how to manipulate.

and i will leave you with one final question. my husbands cousin is having a baby. sunday is her baby shower. they live in florida. so the shower was planned to be "remote" meaning we would all mail our gifts and they would take lots of pics of her opening them (of course local people would be there) and then post them on face book. i thought it was a cute idea, but now it is friday and i haven't mailed my gift. i guess i should be honest and say i haven't even bought the gift yet. i kept meaning to, but i seriously cannot get my behind in gear. so there is no way it will be there on time and quite honestly i wanted to get something really nice which i can't afford until i get paid next friday. so what should i do? ignore the date and pretend i forgot? fake being massively sick with the swine flu?

so, bloggy friends this post is far longer than i thought, and if you made it all the way through and are still reading you can sigh with relief, i am done:)

love to you all!
jineen

um,mmm....maybe i shouldn't post when i am drunk

2009-05-08T12:20:00.002-04:00

so.....this week has been a haze.. so many things have happened and yet when i sit to type them out and it doesn't seem like much!

how can that happen? how can your life be so busy that you want to curl up on the couch drink til you puke and then pass out in bed for 18 hours, and yet when asked what happened you can't even say?

work was well....work, the highlight is that i truly love what i do. i know i know, it's getting emotional, but honestly, i do. i couldn't imagine myself being in any other position or doing any other job. i truly see my patients as people. who cares that they are a drug addict, i will never see how they got to that point, all i know is they are there because they need me. i value that.

there is a person at work that i just cannot stand. the feeling is mutual. she cannot even wlk by me without turning her head. that is the difference between us. i hateher. yup, i can count on my one hand the number of people i hate in this world and she is number one. and yet at work, i am there to be the boss. i can put my personal feelings aside and be professional. sadly, she can't. she makes it more than obvious that she hates me. she is rude and immature.

what the hell can i say to her. i am not a mean person by nature and also not quick with the comebacks so i don't know how to deal with it. i want to be boldand mature and also let her know, hey bitch when i am the boss, i am the boss, shut your f**kin mouth and do your job.

and yet i can never think of a witty comeback to her bullshit.

beyond that i am at a crossroads, so to speak. i am young and yet getting older, happy and unhappy. how do you make your way through that?

i read these blogs every day, i love hearing and sharing about you all, and yet, i feel as if i will never be that witty. and so i must learn to be content with the way i am. i am not quick and snappy, i am not sarcastic. i wish i were.

but i am me. i am just learning that is ok to just be me. if you don't like it tough, i have to be so i can be happy. my whole life i have been whatever was needed to fit the situation and fulfilled the job to the best of my ability but i can't.

i know you will all read this and have supportive comments and that will mean more to me than you know, and then i will look back and read it and wish i was funnier and better at everything.

whatever.

is it possible to have a midlife crisis at 26 and 9/10th's?

all i know is, the me that i am, the me on the inside, i kinda like that girl. i want her to come out more often.

mothers day is sunday, happy mothers day!

and also the sun is shining after 9 straight days of rain which is nice! and i got paid today which is also nice!

and my family is healthy ( mostly) and that is great.

have you ever felt like, geez when i think back about it, i have so much to be grateful for, why do i feel like this?

well anyway, enough with the whiny crap....

my 27th birthday is coming up and i am helping a very dear and beautiful friend plan her wedding for next year, and i am off for 2 days...

i am so thankful for you all and for this blog because even though i am so vague here i feel better already just for getting this out. and don't worry i won't be this melancholy for long.

i am also thankful that cammie and kristina p keep me cracking up and also shannon at it't trickey for being my running idol.

i wish i had the drive to link them, but i don't and i have to pee so you can look to see who i am following and it isw "life in the house of no sleep" and pulsipher predilictions" and it's trickey" repectively.

love you all and yeah and shauna, she always cheers me up!
happy friday:)

time to play catch up:)

2009-05-05T01:55:00.004-04:00

I swear time is just slipping away from me every day. I really want to post about the last few days but i also really want to lay downon the couch because i am not feeling well. i think if i do lay down i amgoing to fall asleep which wouldn'tbe good considering i need to sleep tomorrow for work tomorrow night.....

this past week has just been full. not anything super exciting mind you but full. I started cleaning my sons room with him last week, and oh was it a chore! i am the kind of cleaner that i like to take everything out of the room, clean the space and then gradually sort and organize and put things back. this generally takes me a few hours and with the king of the world's room it is usually interupted about 107 times by him asking can i play with that now mommy? this is probably because this freakin kid has more than his share of toys and hasn't seen some of them since the last time we cleaned his room.

this time i decided at 7 years old, he should be able to do more than cheer me on while i cleaned. i also decided his collection needed to shrink abit. he was not happy at this prospect. so anyway, after listening to him teach me about how only teenagers have to clean their rooms and not 7 year olds, i gave up 6 hours into it. this means there was a pile my height in the middle of the room and me laying on the floor too tird to do any more. i guess he got sick and tired of waiting for us to finish because yesterday ( yes a week after we started) he proudly called me into his room to show me that he had finished himself.

every toy was pushed up against the wall making a rather pleasant "toy frame" around the room. but the center was clean and he had room to play. good enough for me!

I have continued to exercise, but i admit it isn't going to happen today, i am so freakin tired and sick.

friday night i got to have dinner and movie night with the girls and we started planning my friends wedding for next may! i am so excited about it, one because i am in the wedding and 2 because i love planning stuff!

saturday was my uncles wedding and it was so much fun. maybe that's why i am so sore.....open bar and dancing for hours.....

i was able to stand my family for the brief time they were there.

i sat down at the table and pretended i didn't see them. my mom managed to catch my attention and motion me over. i shook my head no like a 3 year old and motioned her my way.

she sits down and asks me if i have been nosy looking through her information at the hospital. i try to contain my anger and let her know that is illegal and no i do not look at her info. she asks if i am sure. i ask her what exactly is she getting at.

she tells me that she went to the doctor and they did a biopsy. for cervical cancer. she didn't want to tell me because i am a worrier.

i tell her that is bullshit. she should have called me. it would be better to have something to worry about than sit there wondering why i am not a part of our family.

she says that is silly.

i tell her she should have called me.

she says my father isn't handling it too well because his mom died of cervical cancer.

i say tough shit, it isn't about him. i tell her she should have told me so someone could go with her. god knows no one in my family but me ever steps up. she says it isn't that serious yet. she'll find out in 2 weeks. i tell her i love her and i expect a call in 2 weeks.

the ceremony starts and she goes back to her seat without saying anything else. i guess i won't hold my breath.

my sisters and i avoid eachother. they point out to my husband that i am not speaking ot them. he tells them maybe you should make the effort. we continue throughout the meal without speaking.

at the end of dinner i get up to use the bathroom. i tell my mom and sisters that my son is upstairs and they are welcome to stop by and see him. i get back from the bathroom and they are gone.

the cake hasn't been cut, the dancing and celebrating hasn't begun and they are gone. no goodbye. or maybe it is jsut the goodbye i should have expected.

whatever. i can honestly say that even though it didn't go how i always hope it will, i feel that at least i let my feelings be known and didn't just give in and get myself hurt like every other time.

yesterday i went to the dentist, i was dreading it all weekend and it was only a cleaning.....which didn't turn out too bad, but somehow i find myself going in today to have 3 fillings...

how did that happen? if i am dreading a cleaning how did i let them talk me into fillings. 3 of them, the very next day?

and also on that note, i swear, i had no dental care during my childhood, and went only once or twice up until 2 years ago. i never really had problems with my teeth. now i have been going faithfully every 6 months and getting my cleanings, and i swear that i have had more cavities in the last few years than ever before.....

so how have you all been? managing to stay away from swine flu? we haven't had it at my hospital yet.....knock on wood......

just waiting for this rain to stop and some sun to come out, trying to get a summer vacation planned and trying to get some sleep! some day it will happen!

hope you are all having a great week and if you hear screaming this morning around 9:20, don't worry, it's just me at the dentist.

tag your it...

2009-04-29T02:04:00.002-04:00

so here i am at a wonderful 2 am typing away while my husbands naps on the couch and my kid plays in his room. i hope we get to actually see the sun this week, i like warmth, plus the whole vitamin d thing and all....

anyway, i am both excited about and dreading saturday. why? well happy because i get to have my husband to myself all evening, and there is dancing and an open bar, which means i will be drunk within minutes. plus our babysitter is willing to come and spend the night at the hotel so we can be drunk and walk to our room. not happy, i have to wear a dress, and my family will be there. but again, i will be drunk. so.....mostly i'm excited. i am truly appreciative for everyone;s support, some new people made comments, which really touched my heart!

i have been tagged by a fabulous bloggy friend, and you should totally check her out if you don't already follow her....

8 Things I'm looking forward to

1. summer vacation
2. may 21st: i will have been faithfully exercising for 6 months that day
3. completing my yearly performance evaluation for work so i can just be done with it!
4. dancing and drinking on saturday with the love of my life
5. truly fitting into a smaller size, as in no muffin top here!
6. having 4 nights off beginning friday night
7. going out friday night with the girls!
8. spending some time with my little man:)

8 things I did yesterday

1. drank an alcoholic drink at 8am
2. went to sleep at noon
3. woke up at 8pm
4. went to work at 11pm
5. gave an enema to a not happy patient first thing when i got off the elevator (seriously, how deranged am i?)
6. ate kashi cereal with strawberries while everyone else ate chinese food
7. ran on the treadmill and did strength stuff
8. had another drink at 8 am
(in my defense, i never claimed to have a very fabulous and exciting life....)

8 things I wish I could do

1. buy a house
2. go back to school and get my masters degree ( ok, i'll be honest, i will be doing that in septmeber, but i wish i could just go and pay for it and pick it up and bring it home all in the same day....)
3. lose weight
4. be a bit more confident
5. get lasik eye surgery
6. a 5k
7. win the lottery and never work again
8. have another baby

8 shows I watch

1. big love, i don't know what it is about this show but i freakin love it
2. house
3. law and order svu
4. the real world/road rules challenge crap (yeah i know i'ts crap but its like an acciddent, i can't.stop.watching.)
5. the soup (how else can i keep up with the important news?)
6. criminal minds
7. jon and kate plus eight (i donot care how people think kate treats her husband, i love the way she is so organized)
8. i guess i don't have another, although i'll think of something after i hit publish, i am not home most nights to watch t.v. and i don't have DVR or ti-vo, i know some of you a gasping for air at that statement)

8 people to tag

1. Trying to Stay Calm!
2. My Life As It Should Be
3. Life in the House of No Sleep
4. Infertile Myrtle
5. It's Trickey
6. Mama Loco
7. Janana Bee
8. Pulsipher Predilections

whew! that was a long one:)

so i hope you are all having a great day, and i will leave you with this bit of wisdom from a 7 year old. (yes cammie if you are reading this i already left it on your comments, but i thought that everyone should be able to share, you think it is a coincidence that his name (dom) is actually in the word wisdom?)

me "dom, why are you not listening? how can you be good all day and jsut now decide to behvae so badly?"

dom "because mommy, there is an angel on one of my shoulders, and a devil in the other. i can't let the angel have his way all the time! it just wouldn't be fair."

love to you all
jineen

weird phobia's

2009-04-25T02:37:00.004-04:00

i am sitting here and it is 2:30 am. my husband is asleep and my son is playing in his room. if you've been here before, it doesn't surprise you that we are up. if not, it is such a long and boring story...

anyway, i just had the pleasure of watching my son re-enact WORD FOR WORD the movie of horton hears a who. yes folks, we are talking 2 hours of him jumping, running, speaking and acting with his toys. i lost the ffelingin my feet about 30 mins in, starting nodding off by 50 mins in, realized that i may be stuck in his room forever about 1hr and 20 mins in, and finally when i actually felt like i was gonna start crying at 1hr and a half, i told him to finish it up.

that's when he told me after the credits there would be a "making of" part. thanks disney and warner brothers. thanks for showing my son how to prolong my agony.

needless to say i am still alive. don't judge me, you try sitting through it. he even makes tickets and gets you popcorn and soda. come on by. see if you can last.

so anyway, the phobia thing. as he was crashing around his room and jumping on and off his bed (it doesn't count as jumping mommy, it isn't really me, it's the movie...) he came dangerously close to my face more than once. which caused me to flinch and move back.

it reminded me of my worst fear. having one(or gulp...more than one) of my teeth be knocked out.

i am so scared of this happening. i don't even know how it started, all i know is that i am terrified of it. the thought of walking around even for mere minutes with a tooth missing makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

i have a recurring nightmare, 2 actually about teeth. the first started when i was really young that this boy and i were walking home from school (like age 7 or 8) and there is a hill. and over the hill comes this creepy old man with an old, ragged, button up night shirt on. but he isn't walking because at the bottom of the night shirt is nothing. he is kind of bobbing along. he comes up to me and starts pulling out his teeth and holds my hand with his other hand and sticks the teeth in my fingers. and the teeth just keep growing back in his mouth. and the kid i was with, ran away.

the second one is that i wake up and go to school/work whatever, and i all of the sudden can't open my mouth because when i do my teeth are so long and jagged and deformed that it doesn't look like i am opeing it. it is like some kind of weird lockjaw and i try to stretch it open and a whole lot of saliva is dripping and the teeth are like 4-5 inches long.

ok, so if i haven't freaked you out yet....and you are still reading......a few days before jerm and i were married we had a car accident. basically i was asleep in the front seat, (seat belt on) and jerm was driving. he apparently fell asleep going 60 miles an hour and hit a car stopped at a red light. my seat belt broke and my head broke the windshield. i do not recall any of this, but he tells me i was unconscious for a while, and when i finally came to, the first thing i asked was "are my teeth ok?". apparently i asked the medics, the police, him, my mother, the german lady we hit and the doctors at the hospital.

so my biggest phobia is something happening to my teeth.

number 2? telephone poles at night. haven't found anyone else who shares that phobia. the story behind is much more of a mystery as i do not have nightmares about them, and actually have to see one at night to be scared of it. it's so silly, i know.

so, does anyone else have a weird phobia?

also, i just wanted to say thankyou for such caring and understanding comments on my last post. i really needed to get it out, and i was afraid of it coming across the wrong way. believe me, i know i am lucky in so many ways. but no one seemed to take it the wrong way. i am more grateful than i can express for all of you!

jineen

p.s. shauna, heather and becky, can you please email me your address's? you are my winners from pay it forward, and i want to get those presents off to you all finally!

ch-ch-changes

2009-04-24T08:36:00.002-04:00

i have been here, but not these last few weeks, and i wish i had been better at keeping up on here. i love having this blog, and you guys who read me? i love you all too! but things have been strange, and so i have stalked all your blogs, keeping up on what has been going on, but haven't let you all in. it has been overwhelming, and i don't want my blog to become something people read knowing it will be whiny and complaining. but i feel i can come here and be me. so i will.

as i approach my 27th birthday in a little more than a month, (and yes i know i am still so young) i have been re-evaluating things.

i don't really know where to start and so i guess things will come out a bit mixed up and jumbled.

all my life i have been a "people pleaser". for one reason or another, i have always tried to make everyone happy, make everyone like me. if you didn't, well i took it as a challenge to bend over backwards for you until you did like me.

as a child, i did and said the right things and covered up for my family. i never wanted people to know that my parents dropped us off at church so they could go home and sleepoff their drug/alcohol induced hangovers. i certainly didn't want anyone to know that we (my younger brother and 2 younger sisters and i ) were homeschooled out of fear that we would give up my fathers drug selling business.

friends nearly never spent the night just in case they mentioned to their parents the constant line of people entering our house, going to my parents bedroom and then leaving all within 10 minutes, all night long.

we were not allowed on the phone for more than 10 minutes at a time just in case a "business" call came through.

as a teenager, i went to church and took my brother and sisters with me just to give them a few hours out of the house. i worked since i was 12 babysitting and then once i could drive a myriad of jobs. i helped to pay bills so we could keep our cable. i bought groceries so i wouldn't have to see my mom at the register put things back or choose between milk and kool-aid.

i didn't care though. i wanted my brother and sisters to never see how we almost went without food for 2 days, or anyone else to see that we shopped at goodwill. true, we had clothes and thats more than some, but i just couldn't bear for anyone to truly see the poverty we lived in. 10 different homes in the 18 years i lived with my parents.

i graduated highschool at the ripe old age of 16 so i could go to work full time. i paid for my car, insurance, clothes, food and gave money to my mother. i went to college full time. my curfew was 9pm. i went to church and did all the right things and said all the right things, just so people wouldn't look at me and feel bad for me.

Jeremy was the only one who knew the truth. and he still loved me. for me.

we married when we were 18 and it was the proudest moment of my life. and yet still i got the pity looks. most people thought i married him to get out of my parents house. i no longer choose to speak to those people. our church banned our marriage and we were not allowed back there.

at the age of 19, we became parents. our little boy was the light of our lives. we loved him even though he was broken. we cared for him, often going without to give him everything. and yet still the pity. the looks that made me feel i needed to do more so people would like me even though i had a sick kid.

we were both in school, caring for this child through out 3 surgeries and hundreds of thousands in medical bills. he was thriving and so were we. our family was growing and learning and we loved it. but still, our families, our few friends, they judged. they pitied. they wanted to know when we would get a newer car, or move out of our trailer. when would we stop being an embarrassment.

fast forward to now. we will celebrate our 9th wedding anniversary this year. our son is 7. we have both graduated. jerm stays home with our son, who cannot go to school. we don't do drugs, we drink alcohol responsibly. i love my job and have thrown myself into it. we love eachother. we are happy together. i still get those butterflies when i know i am coming home to jerm.

and yet i am still a people pleaser.

well, that whole story was to explain these last few weeks. i am done. i am exhausted of trying to make everyone else happy and still coming up short. i speak to my family who lives 20 minutes away a few times a year, and if i make the effort, i see them 2-3 times a year. my father is having a affair on my mother. with a 20something girl. she is the friend of my sisters who go out with my dad and this girl. my brother lost custody of his 2 children over a year ago to their maternal grandmother. he has done nothing to get them back. he has seperated from his wife. my sisters join my parents and my brother in doing drugs-everyday. they lie, cheat and steal. and they choose not to speak with me because they think -that i think-that i am better than them.

i call, i visit, i buy things for them. all to try and fit in with them. now they ignore me because my husbands best friend is my sisters ex. and we choose to still be friends with him.

i am finished with them. and yet i don't know how to do that. the co-dependence that they demand isn't who i am. and yet can i cut them off completely for self preservation? i cannot take the way they make me feel any longer. i cannot take them laughing at me when i call and they hang up on me. on 5/2 (next saturday) i will be forced to sit at a table with them during my uncles wedding. I want to be cordial. i do not want to feel bad and give in and act like nothing has happened.

at work. i have bent over backwards trying to prove to some people how hard i work. rumors still go around and accusations are still made. i have had to make a transition of sorts. i can no longer be everyone's friend. i have to make the tough decisions. people try and walk all over you when you try to be friendly. and then when things go wrong and someone is looking for someone to blame, they point the finger at you.

i resolved last weekend that this would happen no longer. we are there to work. not sit around and look at the computer or laugh and joke. you can have fun at work as long as the work is getting done. and no longer am i answerng for those that choose to do the wrong thing. i must say it didn't go over well the first night. by the second night i heard the word dictator being thrown around. but by the third night, when the work was getting done, and everyone was working together and i was showing (instead of saying) that i was willing to help, people starting thinking this might be ok. by the last night they stopped saying dictator and started saying leader.

it took so much for me to show it. so much to put my foot down and be done with someone saying whatever they felt like. it is hard to change from friend to boss. and yet i come home now feeling like i am satisfied. feeling like i am doing the best job i can. i know people will not always see it. but i am done pleasing others. i need to be true to myself.

i am so thankful for my husband and my son. they have remained the constant through these changes. they have remained lvong through these changes. jerm makes sure i know that i am not responsible for my family and their actions. that i am not to balme for the way they are. and that i cannot change them.

and i am thankful for all of you. thankyou for coming here and reading. and coming back.

i feel so much better to have this off my chest:)

now i am back. and truly better than ever.

hope you all are looking forward to the weekend!
jineen

i have been away too long...

2009-04-21T03:00:00.002-04:00

ok, so i was better at blogging even when i was away on vacation. i have been working so much i haven't had much time for anything. and even now i am at work, and shouldn't be writing this, but i am sitting for someone while they go to the bathroom.

anyway, i promise i will be back sooner rather than later!

for now, my friend becky is pretty much doing a freakin awesome giveaway! and i am posting about it so can get more entries, pretty selfish huh?

but i love presents!

hope you are all doing well, and i promise again i will be back! but i am totally enjoying myself reading all of yours!

it's freakin april, why is it still cold?

2009-04-10T22:42:00.002-04:00

first let me say my bloggy friend melissa ~~likes to talk so much~~ has reached her 100th post! and her giveaway is freakin fabulous! she is seriously giving away the best stuff! go check her out here, and be sure to catch up on her blog, its great:)

it is finally friday and i am finally home for a bit. not that i just took a 3 week vacation or anything.....but since arriving home i have been working nearly non-stop. now i am done until tuesday night.

last night was dinner and a drink with the girls, which i very much needed since it was a long day:)

today my son is being extremely good, which i am quite thankful for. he is amusing himself quite well, taking a break every now and then to give me a kiss. it is much improved over his previous behavior. picture this....

i am sitting outside, it is night time. i am in my favorite postion which is a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. jerm is next to me, we are talking. dom is playing and suddenly stops. he starts looking at me with that face that says "i want to say something...."

i try and ignore that face. its mean i know, but my brain is really done for the day and i don't much feel like answering any questions.

he continues to stare at me and slowly, ever so slowly, he inches toward me.

i continue to not look at him.

he is much closer to me now, and it is in slow motion i can see him start to open his mouth.

it is at just that moment that my darling husband comes to my resue with " dom, leave mommy alone. she is relaxing"

he backs up and looks away, but sure enough, not even a minute later, he begins with that about-to-say-something face.

he starts to move around his father, looking like he is playing, but we both know he is actually inching toward me again, just out of sight of his father.

i continue being the good mommy i am, and drink my beer without making eye contact.

just as he reaches me again, and looks as though he is about to speak....

"dom, what do you want? i told you leave mommy alone. "

ha! saved by jerm yet again.

or so i thought.

i guess that little angel that i birthed decided he was fed up with waiting. he came and stood directly in front of me, made a funnel shape with his hand over his mouth and announced "attention mommy. a little bored."

several things went through my mind, including wow, he has some nerve, also ummm is this the most spoiled kid i have ever met? but mostly, i just laughed because, well it was just freakin funny that he wanted to let me know so bad.

it has been over a month since i have spoken to anyone in my family. that isn't the sad thing. the sad thing is i am not sad about it. i have struggled for years to overcome the way i grew up. the things that i was taught to believe and know. i am not saying it is the worst thing in the world. just not what i choose to believe now. or the way i live my life. my father, mother, younger brother and two younger sisters are all alike. they all think the same things, so the same things. but not me. i am the blacksheep. except kinda in a reverse way.

what i am wondering is this. does anyonne else struggle with this? does anyone else really not get along with their family, but pretend they do because underneath they love their family no matter what? does anyone else know that their family speaks poorly about them behind their back, but ignores it and pretends to believe them just once or twice a year when you see them?

i struggle with not wanting to be dishonest, but wanting to keep the peace so i can keep my family. i know, i am being so vague here. this is the first time i am ever even letting a bit of this side of me seep out. i don't want to open the flood gates.

on a more positive note, tomorrow is when we will dye easter eggs, and this is something i look forward to every year! i am so excited!

hope you are all enjoying the start of the weekend!
jineen

back to the grind

2009-04-07T02:15:00.004-04:00

so we have been home for a week now. i guess its kinda like riding a bike, you never really forget. except i did forget two things.

one: the floor i work on at the hospital really has a rather unpleasant smell, consisting of poop, mucous, disinfectant and rot. i guess maybe after being there you get used to it and don't smell it anymore. but then when you leave for 3 weeks, you re-experience it for a few days.

second: i forgot how much of a bitch guinevere is sometimes. after not seeing her for a month, we were reunited on saturday morning. and then just to show me how much she missed me, she introduced me to some of her friends. some assorted weight machines. it has been my goal to start toning in addition to cardio in april. so every other day i meet up with those bastards to push myself even harder. sounds like fun, huh?

still managing to keep my tan, and i have to be honest in addition to the long list of things i already do that i will probably regret when i am older, i have decided to jump into a tanning bed once or twice a week until summer just to maintain. feel free to lecture me on skin cancer.

if anyone was wondering where some of your food came from, i have a 7 year old just dying to educate you on the matter.

"mommy, chicken fingers come from chickens, right?"

yup

"but chickens don't really have fingers, so it is their meat, right?"

yup

"and hamburgers come from cows, but it is really the meat inside them, right?"

yup. (boy this kid catches on quick.....)

"and hotdogs come from pigs, right"

yup

"isn't it great how they just poop them right out in the right shape?"

oh yes son, among all the things we eat pig "poop" is the most convenient, being preshaped by the pigs body and everything.

i tell you, he never ceases to amaze me with the things he says.

something else i learned this week.....

one of my patients was extremely confused beginning at 8pm every night. it was the magic hour, she lost her mind at exactly 8. she would strip down naked and wander around. each time i put her in her special low bed that was only 6 inches off the ground to keep her from falling, and put a bed alarm on her and give her snacks and magazines to keep her occupied. i would leave and go into the next room and turn around and there she was behind me, naked.

saturday night she had a visitor, and if ever a man looked like he drinks nothing but beer all day long.....

he stops me in the hall way and proceeds to tell me that all black men have a hobby of holding poor innocent kittens still while they burn their whiskers off with a lighter. i'm not really sure where he came up with this bit of knowledge, i'm sure all the alcohol i could smell on him had nothing to do with it.....

anyway, he is telling me the patient rescues these kittens and cares for them. and he has been caring for them since she's in the hospital.

i finally tear myself away from that fascinating trip to drunk land.... and realize a coworker, who happens to be a black male, was standing there and he is not amused.

i try to explain to him it isn't worth his time. just let it alone, who cares what the walking six pack of pabst blue ribbon said anyway.

he agrees and walks down the hallway. only to have mr. drunk guy approach me again.

my coworker shouts down the hall way to me " hey jineen, watch out or i'm gonna burn the whiskers off your kitty".

this flew right over mr. drunk guys head, but certainly didn't miss everyone else in the hallway, who didn't miss the sexual innuendo.....

i guess maybe it's funnier in person, but i'm still laughing my ass off.

so my education this week has been much, and my sleep has been little.

i have missed you all, and will leave with a few pics from key west:)

atlantic ocean.....

gulf of mexico side.....

sunset.....

i'm a lucky girl.....

i did this alot:)

the weather, water, everything was beautiful!

late night swim:)

love you all

jineen

i think my son is on crack

2009-04-02T23:43:00.005-04:00

well, when we got home on monday morning, we were pretty much far too tired to do anything. we simply walked in the door and went to sleep.

nope, we didn't even shower, and if you knew me, you would know that is perfectly fine with me, i wouldn't shower every day if i didn't need to. most of the time i hate to shower. i like being clean, i just hate to bathe. anyway, not jerm, he LOVES showers. but we drove all night and that is much longer when it is dark out. so, we went to bed.

the nest night we had to go shopping and get some food, cuz there wasn't anything here, and then pick up the mail.

i have never had our mail stopped before, always jsut had someone come pick it up every fw days, but this time hubby stopped it.

when we picked it up i had two lovely surprises waiting for me.

i would like to say i was patient and brought them home to photograph to post on here. i would like to....

but i can't. i didn't even wait for him to get in the car. i grabbed the bag of envelopes and snatched out the two presents and greedily ripped them open like a kid on christmas:)

the first was from a fabulous girl shauna over at trying to stay calm who gifted me with a friendship package...

here are the remains...

she even wrapped each thing!

she is so generous!

i never get stuff like this in the mail. i am smiling even now thinking of my friend shauna whom i've never met, and how she bought and wrapped these things for me:) she is such a caring and positive person, and i love reading her blog and seeing all the hearts she uses:)

then i got my gift from becky for pay it forward:) her blog is my life as it should be :)

she is so much better than me, not only did she get her stuff sent out, and i haven't, but she actually made it! i LOVE it!

thanks to both of these wonderful women!

so, how have you all been? i have missed you, trying to catch up on all the things going on has been hard. i have worked only two nights since getting home, but i have the whole weekend to work, fun. hard to get used to smelling poop and rotten bodies all night long. also the cold. i realize it is actually warm here for april, but still....

oh how i miss florida!

now that i am home, i guess i have to go see guinevere. i need to make sure she is ok. i will probably need to take some bandages and flowers to care for her wounds inflicted by others and the flowers to cheer her up. i gained 3 pounds over vaction, which i am not too upset about, but now it is time to crack down.

i haven't ever talked about our eating habits too much, and they are far ranging,but for the most part we have tried to get really healthy this year. whole foods, organic foods, vitamins, juicing, that sort of thing, not in a fanatical way, just in a we want to be healthier way.

but i like to research the vitamins and foods and have a reason behind why we do what we do.

so that is my quest for these next few days, more research into vitamins. boy my life is so exciting. i know how jealous you are feeling right now, but don't worry, we can't all have big projects like this.

jerm is sad because he really wanted to find an alligator on the side of the road and wrestle it. not only did we not see one on the side of the road, we never even saw one! well except at sea world. but i think they frown upon people jumping into the pen to wrestle them.

and now for your reading enjoyment.....these answers are straight from his mouth:)

1. What is something mommy always says to you? "i love you"

2. What makes mommy happy? "seeing me and daddy every day"

3. What makes mommy sad? "if i'm being mean"

4. How does your mommy make you laugh? "jokes from me and daddy"

5. What was your mommy like as a child? "fun and happy"

6. How old is your mommy? "16" (i'm 26)

7. How tall is your mommy? "probably 40 feet" (ummm....)

8. What is her favorite thing to do? "play with me and daddy" (noticing a trend here? apparently my life and happiness revolves around two people)

9. What does your mommy do when you're not around? "wait for me to come home" (oh yes, iwith baited )

10. If your mommy becomes famous, what will it be for? "mommy-o's which is a cereal made from mommies" (like i said he's on crack)

11. What is your mommy really good at? "cooking and being a mommy"

12. What is your mommy not very good at? "fixing towers or couches" (he would be right)

13. What does your mommy do for a job? "nursing" (one right answer!)

14.What is your mommy's favorite food? "shrimp, chinese food" (i hate shrimp with a passion and chinese food is good, but my favorite is french toast on french bread)

15.What makes your mommy proud of you? "doing fun things and when i make her happy"

16. If your mommy were a cartoon character, who would she be? "sponge bob"

17. What do you and your mommy do together? "play and fun stuff and smack people with dish towels" (oh yes all the fun we have together chasing people at the grocery store and mall with dishtowels is what we do best)

18. How are you and your mommy the same? "we like to type on computers"

19. How are you and your mommy different? "i like cops, mommy likes nursing"

20. How do you know your mommy loves you? "i'm sweet and romantic and you tell me"

21. What does your mommy like most about your daddy? "that he's strong and fixes things and takes care of me" (he comes in handy for fixing those towers and couches that i am so bad at)

22. Where is your mommy's favorite place to go? "probably home to relax with your family"

23. What's your favorite thing about mommy? "you always give me hugs and kisses and you tuck me in and say prayers when i go to sleep"

24. What's your least favorite thing about mommy? "how you pick your nose" (at which point jeremy chimed in and let me know, i do in fact pick my nose a little more often than most. but only on the side my nose ring is. who knew they watched me so closely....and for the record, i can't blow my nose, and i use a tissue)

so, that is me according to a crack head 7 year old.

hope your week is great!

jineen

home, sweet home

2009-03-30T23:22:00.003-04:00

well, its true. i am home. i am trying to be sad about it, because well, i am. i mean sad to be done with vacation and sad to be bakc to the real world. but it really is nice to come home. after 18 days it is wonderful to sleep in my own bed again:)

i have missed you all, and will be trying to catch up on all of your blogs! thankyou to everyone especially the rambler! i didn't quite make it to 25 comments, but largely in part to her i did make it to 20, which is double anything before! thankyou to everyone who stopped by, and i will be sure to make my way to all of your blogs!

i have a bunch more pictures to post, but haven't loaded them yet. and so many things to tell you, but i also have so much laundry to wash! thankgoodness i have a wonderful husband who cleaned every square inch of our house before we left, so that is done. but some groceries might be good at somepoint....

i also saw that my son got a hold of this blog some how and i would like to respond. so for your reading enjoyment....

dear dominic raife thomas andress,

(yes i used your full name so you will know i am talking to you and not some other dom that you like to blame things on)

anyway,
we are back from vacation now. yes,i am sad to be done, and i know you are too, as evidenced by you crying before bed. that really made me feel bad. it also let me know that you did in fact enjoy yourself, which at times was hard to discern due to the scowl on your face.

it is true i am the luckiest mommy in the world to have you as my son. i know you are already aware of this since you are right, you ask me every day. i am certainly super lucky that i got to take you to disney world 3 times. that is 2-3 more times than pretty much everyone we know. lucky me.

i am sorry about the frustration showing on my face. i have always been so good at hiding it in the past. i guess i figured that since you have no problem always letting my know exactly how you feel, in public and in private, i thought we were being more open. i especially love how "open" you were at the pool when you loudly announced to me that you were currently "dumping" in your swimmy diaper. i know you really have no control over your b.m.'s, and i know we have taught you that you shouldn't be embarrassed about it, but i must say, i think we misled you somehow about how to let us know you needed to be changed....

i laughed when you mentioned the sleeping in. i realize you are going by the clock, however i would like to mention to you that it really isn't sleeping in if you stayed up until 1 am letting your dearly loved son swim in the pool and then had a midnight (2 am ) snack on the balcony of your room. sleeping until 10 am is only fair. (plus mommy needs lots of rest so i can prepare my brain to answer all those delightful questions you ask me one right after the other)

i really did have fun with you on our trip, always making sure you got food and drinks, always making sure you got to do everything you really loved twice, spending money on all the things you wanted. asnwering very important questions about why the animals would drink dirty looking water, and also why do the workers clean up their poop.

me and daddy we live to get up early and trek around the themes parks, take you out to dinner, take you for midnight swims, let you stay up late to play with your newest toy and then hear you whine before bed because you didn't get to do everything you wanted to do that day. we never mind hearing it.

oh yeah, and i almost forgot, those maraca's we bought? i really am sorry but somehow they seemed to have gotten lost on the trip home. but i did manage to find a much ~~quieter~~ better sombrero from mexico. hope you didn't need those maracas for anything....

i truly do love you son. even when you stomp your feet like you are 2 years old.
mommy

now, i feel much better.
ladies, it has been an exciting few weeks. i still haven't forgotten my pay it forward ladies, i will get your stuff to you:)

hope everyone's week started out well!

jineen

a mish mash and a letter from dom

2009-03-24T18:07:00.005-04:00

i recieved these two awards from Janana Bee, and i was so excited! she has an awesome blog and you should definitely check her out! plus she friended me on facebook:)

you know i love all of you, and so feel free to take these awards for yourselves:) i will pass them onto everyone who is reading this!

i am lovin it down here in key west, and i have to say i am not holding back on the amount of liquor i am consuming, nor the time in which i start consuming it.....(don't worry i am being responsible, i have a kid....i know)

i will take some good pictures today and tomorrow and post them so you can see how fabulous it is, until then i thought i would do something else, just so you don't get too tired of looking at pictures:)

i am setting a goal to get 25 comments on this post, which would be more than double the comments i have ever gotten, go ahead whore me out to your friends if you want:) (and also coming soon part 2 of my kid story) ....

also, alittle bloggy love for just a chic, she is a strong, caring, loving, f*ck off woman!

just a little note from my 7 year old.....

Dear mommy,

hi, its me your son. i know that you always wanted to be a mommy and that you prayed that God would put me in your belly. i know you are definitely the luckiest mom in the world to have me. I know this because i ask you every day.

i also know that this is my third trip to disney world in the last 3 years.

but....there are some things that i want to talk to you about.....

and mommy? please don't make that face. i can see when you are frustrated with me, and quite frankly? it makes me upset. you see mommies are never supposed to be frustrated. and i feel like you should know that by now.

also, this whole sleeping in thing? it might fly when you are working, but on vacation? nope. please get up a little earlier so i can get some breakfast before i begin my day of playing and relaxing.

another thing that has been bothering me.....every time i want to get in the pool, it takes you so long to get ready. i do not feel like waiting for you to put on makeup to get in the pool. you already have a husband- named daddy- and no-one cares about if you look fat. why do you always talk about it? (for that matter, why do you make daddy check your butt every time you wear a new outfit?)

moving on..... i know that we stayed in a suite in animal kingdom lodge, and went on a special penguin tour and theme parks and character breakfasts and a midnight swim nearly every night, but you know what mommy? that's your job! you must make sure i am having the time of my life. and today when you told me that this part of our trip was for relaxing because we did so much at disney? i did not approve of your tone. God gave you a son so you could make that son happy. so do it.

and one more thing.... when we took that very long walk today "to see the sights", remember when we saw that lighthouse, and you wouldn't let us walk in it. i am still pissed about it. i might be smiling right now, but don't think for one second i have forgotten that you told me no. or that you continued to drag me down the street. or that you wouldn't let me cross my arms so everyone could know i was mad. i will be remembering that the next time you have a headache. oh yes, me and those maraca's you bought me....we will all be "remembering".

well, mommy, i do love you, and if you could just work on those things i listed above, i think we will get along just fine.

now, i am off to play!

your son,

Dominic

(i will answer him in a future post)

hope you are all having a great day!

jineen

oh my goodness, i am in love...

2009-03-21T18:44:00.006-04:00

.....with Florida! i swear, we have now been here over a week, and i am looking at job postings for nurses down here.

i know, i know, you all probably feel that way while on vacation....

but i can't help it...

so maybe by now you are all tired of me ~~rubbing salt in your nonn-vacationing wound~~ posting so many vacation things....but i am gonna do a quick recap since monday....

tuesday morning, we had breakfast and this guy showed up.....

and this guy too......

we walked around the polynesian for a while.....and posed along the way...

after breakfast we took a walk...

and we lounged in a hammock ......

while the fat kid did this....

we spent the rest of the day at the pool, which i am having trouble getting pics loaded.

wednesday, we went to sea world and made a new friend....

and fed some hungry sea lions....

each day, when we get back, dom's two favorite sleeping buddies are there to greet us:)

and i guess thats it for now cuz i can't get any more pics up now....hope you ar all having a great week......

thanks for your tan thoughts, though you may want to stop sending them so much, i am burnt:(

love to you all!

jineen

i want to live here....

2009-03-18T22:31:00.004-04:00

so, the weather, the sunshine, the family time, all of it, i want to stay here forever. i guess everyone feels that way on vacation. i am sleeping well, feeling well, hell even my skin is clearer. (my acne hit my on my 26th birthday this past year and i swear it won't go AWAY!)

anyway, i will step away from the way i have been doing these vacation posts to approach another, more interesting subject. i must forewarn you tho......i hope i am not offensive about what i am gonna write, but i have to get it out. i missed mama loco's pissed off post, but if i didn't i would have written about this...

kids.

yeah, i know. we all know ~~they are sniveling, whiny, needy little~~ they are precious gifts from God. but sometimes wheni happen to be on vacation, enjoying my family and our time together i wish there were no other children. anywhere within 50 miles of me.

why? well, let me start by saying, my child is certainly no angel. somedays he makes me want to pull my hair out and run away screaming. however.....i always make it a point to make sure other people aren't feeling that way because of him.

you see, i understand that other people don't have children and so maybe they don't want ot hear mine whining. i get it that not everyone thinks my kid syas and does the most cutest, adorable things. i realize that allowing my child to run around like a mindless idiot is not conducive to everyone enjoying themselves.

sadly, i have discovered that not many fellow parents get those facts. they allow their children to push, shove and scream to get their way. they think their child should be the only one at the front of the line at all times. they even let their 6 year old push their 2 year old in a stroller down a hill in a crowd of 150 people without a care.

when you pay $150 extra dollars for a private tour of penguins because you know they are your sons favorite animal and some ~~spoiled rotten piece of shit 5 year old~~ 5 year old girl is whining the whole time once she's had her turn to pet the penguin that everyone else is taking too long. her parents were disgusted. oh, but not with her. with us. for taking too long. i wanted to reach out and trip them while they walked. i also wanted to not go to jail.

trust me, i am not the parent of a perfect kid. i know it. but....as a parent i do feel it is my job to keep him from disrupting others who don't love him the way that i do.

maybe i should have said my complaint was about parents.

anyway, we did have a great last two days, yesterday we sat at the pool for hours and then today we went to seaworld, and had fun petting penguins! out to dinner, where we stuffed ourselves with mexican and now we are gonna go see the animals at night!

i got my very first award ever the other day from just a chic and i screamed in my chair! ( i love that freakin woman!) here it is...

ok, now i pass it onto 8 people......

shannon: she is my running inspiration

shauna: this girl never has a bad word to say, i won my first ever prize from here, and she is always cheerful!

janna: she is my first facebook/blogger friend!

megan: i call my kid fatboy, she calls her kid chunky monkey, i love it!

melissa: i'm pissed off and you're fixin to hear all about it. 'nuff said.

another megan: she is a reverse poligamist....ha!

cammie: i know justa chic already tagged her, but she was the first blog i ever started to follow and there is something about that i just can't forget:)

kristina p.: she wears NOTHING under her snuggie!

ok, there are so many more reasons why i love these girls, but i am tired, and the wine bottle is begging me to finish her up......

so, i will leave you my dear friends, my in my starting to be tan self and you in your still winter weather skin.......

jineen

the magic continues

2009-03-17T00:01:00.005-04:00

first i want to say thankyou to all of you:) you are so positive sharing in on my excitement and i am so grateful for that!

now......let me catch you up on all the warm, sunshiney fun we've been having!

so on sunday we made our way down the interstate to cape canaveral to see the very last nighttime shuttle launch.....ever!

going.....

gone!

in the morning on monday, we took a boat ride......

to a far-away land, where prince charming showed us his castle

prince charming fought the evil emporer zurg to protect us....

then we met up with some friends......

things got scary for a moment when we ran into some heffalumps and woozles....

but then prince charming called in a rescue via one little elephant with very large ears.....

he treated us to a peanut-free snack.....

we had a mommy-son ride on a classic part of disney....

we searched and searched for the perfect family picture place.....

when the day was done, we took a boat ride across the moat....

and were blessed with one final beautiful sight:)

hope you are all starting the week out well:)

jineen

the surprise:)

2009-03-14T23:44:00.014-04:00

late thursday night we packed up and took off! for the next 16 hours, we saw a lot of this.....

and this.......
and this......

and this weirdo who tagged along, he had no idea where we were going, no idea we were on vacation, just willingly got in the car and off we went:)

along the way there were some funny sights, but i couldn't resist taking a picture of this place (which i did not stop at)

and we saw this sign too......which caused me to laugh

but then finally we saw this....

which is the one we were waiting for! ( i know, it's far away) it tells me we are finally in .......

FLORIDA!!!

yup, we packed our bags, tossed the kid in the back and headed to florida for 16 days! family, disney and key west are on the itinerary and i am sooo.....ready for vacation! and a tan!

today my husbands aunt jan watched our little one, and we headed to epcot by ourselves to walk the countries.
we had fun in mexico......

and had yummy mexican food!

and had prosecco in italy....

and pinot noir in italy.......

some of us got jewelry in moracco......

and some of us really were a kid again in japan.......

but my date was cute, so i didn't make fun of him for climbing on toys....

then i ~~started to get drunk~~ had one more glass of wine in france....

thought of cammie when i saw this.....

we had a fabulous time:)

and then someone got tired....

so we headed back. the kid was waiting for us and we got to spend some time with family we don't get to see often:)

we check into animal kingdom tomorrow!

send me your tan thoughts so i pick up some sun quick!
love to you all! (esp. you shauna! i won something from her:)

jineen